Share Your Story: Trisha

photos courtesy of FoCo Girls Gone Derby Flickr photostream
One of my goals for this space is to start hearing more inspirational stories from you! So to kick off this goal, I want to introduce you to Trisha. I met her earlier this spring and we sat down and talked over coffee about life, weight, values and roller derby. Read below for my interview with Trisha:

You mentioned that just over a year ago you were an entirely different person--overweight and working in a job you didn’t enjoy. What changed? What was the turning point?
Well, I was home for Christmas and went in to see my doctor for an annual appointment and was stunned when she told me that I was pre-diabetic and needed to make some serious changes in my life. At that time I was 20 years old and 100 pounds overweight. It was a wake-up call.

Looking back, how did you get to that point?
I didn’t do a good job of taking care of myself. When I was younger--a teenager--I was extremely independent and had a lot of responsibility. I worked a lot, helped with my family, and went to school. I had to think about the needs of others more than my own. Then when I left home for college, I experienced unlimited freedom for the first time. I didn’t have to think about anyone but myself. So I went to the opposite extreme--eating and drinking anything I wanted, going to school, working 3 jobs. The weight just crept on.

So you’re saying that you started thinking about yourself for the first time...but in all the wrong ways?
Right.

How did you start losing weight?
I participated in a very strict nutrition program. We had to record everything we ate and attend weekly weigh-in’s. It was hard, but really worked for me. I also set a reward for myself: if I reached my weight-loss goal, I could start training for roller derby.

That’s an unconventional reward! Why derby?
I attended a bout with my friend and just loved it. At that time I was actively searching for some active hobbies since most of the things I liked to do were pretty sedentary, and derby seemed like a great fit. I’ve been training now for several months and am almost eligible to bout.

What is your derby name going to be?
Osh-Kosh-Bi-otch. And just to do a little advertising--this weekend we are hosting another bout, and I'd love everyone local to come and check it out! (click here for details)

You mention the word “balance” a lot. Why is balance so important to you, and how has finding it changed your life?
Well, it started with my weight-loss. During that time I had to be really mindful about everything I was putting into my mouth, and it forced me to learn moderation--to think about everything in my life differently. And then it just trickled into the other parts of my life from there.

You also talk a lot about giving back. Why is that so important to you?
I was raised to be mindful of others, and it’s really important to me to make time to volunteer. Right now I’m helping out at an animal shelter. I think everyone needs a cause.

You know--you’re not the average 22-year old...
I know. I want to help people, and I think that I can start by just being a good role model. People are always watching you, and you can influence them just by setting a good example. I have younger siblings, and it’s really important to me that I am a strong role model for them. It is one of the things that motivates me the most.

Thank you, Trisha, for sharing your story! I think you are a good role model, and I can't wait to see you on skates!

Do you have an inspiring story to share? Maybe about how you quit your job to pursue your passion, or lost weight, or started a new & exciting hobby, or got involved in a cause-- We'd love to hear about it! Click here to learn more, or email me at shillberry@stephaniehillberry.com!

For more information about roller derby, including the upcoming bout THIS SATURDAY, click here!

Je Ne Sais Quoi: Wisdom from the Mouths of (Teenage) Babes

This past Saturday I had the pleasure of attending a girls' night out. It was an event where I was at least twice as old as the average attendee (which made me feel both young and old at the same time!).

The evening was packed with fun activities and lots of boldly colored snacks. We decorated the covers of journals with collage; we applied sequins and paint to tote bags; and we enjoyed the customary slumber-party makeovers.

Needless to say, it was a blast. And during the evening, I had an opportunity to ask the girls a lot of questions about what it's like being a teen today. And so we talked about clothes. We talked about boys. And we talked about body image and confidence and gossip. And I concluded that apart from the radical change in technology (ie Facebook, texting, etc.), being a girl today isn't that much different from when I was a girl.

The last request I asked of the girls was for their advice. If you were talking to a group of young women your age, I inquired, what would you tell them?

And the answers, I think, are good for women of all ages to hear.

In a nutshell, the wisdom they shared was "be yourself." Don't let boys or friends persuade you to be someone else. Don't let magazines and television convince you to change your looks. And don't be one person on, say...MySpace, and another with your parents and teachers.

It was simple advice, but poignant. I went into the evening expecting to talk about the usual issues: "sexting" in schools, online bullying, dress code dilemmas, and the like. But what I had overlooked was the underlying issue: authenticity.

I am extremely grateful to the girls for sharing their thoughts, especially since they challenged me to consider the bigger picture with a timeless pursuit: being true to ourselves.

My plan is to not let their good advice go to waste. I'm currently preparing a seminar/workshop for girls (and moms!) just their age, and I can't wait to talk more about being authentic in today's technological era.

So thank you, ladies, for your insight! You're already well on your way to je ne sais quoi--

If you could give advice to young women today, what would it be? Share by posting your thoughts below--

Je Ne Sais Quoi: Beauty Begets Beauty

Hello friends, and Happy Monday! I hope you all had a great weekend! I did some shopping and gardening and baking, and feel fairly refreshed for this week, which is good because I have a lot in store for us (including another FREE GIVEAWAY and a NEW COLUMNIST!). But before all of that, I was thinking this weekend about one of my favorite all time movies, Strictly Ballroom. Have you seen it? It is quirky and absurd and full of color and romance. The story centers on the frumpy Francesca who transforms into a beautiful and graceful lady floating across the screen. Naturally there is an evil step-mother, some fancy ball-gowns, and a prince charming.

Apart from the dancing, which I LOVE with my whole heart...and dream of someday gliding my own slippers across a ballroom floor wearing diamonds and pink chiffon on the arm of a gentleman...

Ahem--as an aside, this will never happen because a) I don’t have the time or the physical stamina to learn ballroom dancing, and b) there’s NO WAY I could convince my husband to dance with me and there’s little chance he’d let me tango with another man...so I will have to continue living vicariously through Francesca...sigh.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes--apart from the dancing, the thing I love about the movie is Francesca’s transformation. Of course it is incredibly cliche to have a makeover scene in a movie (I can instantly think of at least another dozen films that have an ugly-duckling-turned-swan-story), but I just can’t resist the appeal. There is something so timelessly enticing about a woman who finds her strength, and then watching as that strength slowly transforms her appearance. Because it reminds me that beauty begets more beauty.

We all hear a lot about the value of inner beauty, and so I won’t delve too deeply into that here. But what I will say is that a woman blossoms when she discovers her special talents, or awakens to love, or overcomes fear. Her physical body actually comes alive. This, naturally, leads her to want to care more for her appearance, which just perpetuates her confidence. And the cycle continues, gaining momentum, until she’s too radiant even to look at (okay, maybe I’m going a little overboard here. That could get scary...).

The trouble, of course, is that we know this principle and yet don’t always apply it--especially in the reverse. The other day, for instance, when I was writing this, I was wearing a hideous combination of shiny acrylic pajama pants in a lime green, a threadbare purple shirt, thick wool socks, and my hair knotted messily on top of my head. It was four in the afternoon and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. Why? Because no one was likely to see me that day. And perhaps because I was also hormonal and not “feeling very pretty.” And, if I’m honest, I was also a little frustrated that some of my plans weren’t working out the way I wanted, which might have been impacting my self-esteem a bit.

In other words, my appearance was reflecting my emotions. Now, I’m not too worried about having one shower-free-p.j.-day every once in awhile, but I know that I can’t make it into a habit. But the truth is that keeping up my outward appearance will help me to resist the lure of low confidence and hormonal tyranny--like an unlikely weapon to ward off unwanted enemies. Messy hair and shiny pants, however, have little effect on making me feel better. Because if beauty begets beauty, than you can be sure that blah begets blah. And I certainly don’t want blah taking over my life!

So what I’m trying to say in a roundabout way is that our emotions and our looks are intricately linked whether we admit to it or not. And though this link isn’t exact science, I’d rather just acknowledge the principle and invest in beauty--both inside and out.

Starting with throwing out those lime green pants.

What do you do to ward off the blahs? Share by posting your comment below!

Letter from the Editor: Am I Really Enough?

Good morning (or afternoon for you East Coasters)! I just returned from a visit to the vet (the “boys” needed their annual check-up, and we needed to receive our annual scolding for not brushing their teeth...), and am heading out soon to a women's leadership retreat, but before my day gets away from me I wanted to touch base with you all--

If you’ve been reading Deviantly Domesticated for any length of time, you’ve probably come to learn that I always have new plans and projects up my sleeve. Therefore it should come as no surprise to you that I have some fun features and opportunities planned for this space for the rest of 2010. And one of them is to start writing a letter from the “editor” (so-to-speak)--direct from me to you--on a more regular basis. Because though you often see my latest fashion projects, culinary efforts and thoughts on femininity, you don’t often hear about my day-to-day life as an writer/speaker/wife/friend/etc.

So I thought I’d kick off this new column today with some of my reflections on a je ne sais quoi post I wrote last month--the one about being “enough.” You see, I have to confess that I’ve been struggling with that one quite a bit lately. Probably it comes with the territory of being an entrepreneur--it is common to feel like there is always more work that can be done, and not enough time to do it. But even more so, I’ve been challenged lately because I have ambitions that I’m not attaining. For instance, I’d like to make more money. And I’d love to have a larger audience. And I worry that I’m not doing enough--or don’t have what it takes--to reach the goals I’ve set.

In other words, I worry that I’m falling short. That I don’t have the right skills or the right stamina or the right connections. Because I figure that if I was enough, than I would be more successful at reaching those goals...right? My life doesn’t look the way I want, so there must be something wrong with me...right?

I bring this up because I know that on the surface it looks like I have everything together. But the truth is that I think about these ideas of femininity and confidence and beauty as much as you all do--and I don’t have it all figured out. So even though I have the sense to write about “being enough,” the practice of it is not as easy.

Fortunately I have good friends and family to listen to me, give advice, and offer encouragement. And I’m thankful for all of you, too, who read my posts and send me your comments. So know that in addition to a week full of retreats and business expos and daily chose, I’ll also be working on just being enough.

We’ll talk again soon!
--steph