ReCentering: a Time to Grow

My original plan for today was to show you the new dress I've been working on that I'll be wearing to a benefit next week...

...BUT in spite of my earnest intentions, I haven't finished it yet. So Plan B is to revisit a subject that I brought up earlier this year: reCentering.
As I wrote previously, I have been trying to take advantage of the changing seasons this year to do some reflection and introspection. Because after a long period of dormancy, it is time for me to make some changes, too, so that I can move forward.

In other words, it is time for me to follow the lead of these lovely plants in my yard and start to grow and bloom.
The Bible (and a tune from the Byrds) says that there are seasons for everything. The trick, I suppose, is to know which season you are in. And though I wouldn't say that our lives always follow the rhythm of nature, I definitely think that now is a season for me to blossom!

Of course, not being an actual plant, I've had to consider what "growth" looks like for me. And certainly it involves a lot of things, including adding more readers like you, trying new projects, and making new friends.
Toward this end, one thing I've really been contemplating is how I can do things differently than the way I've done them in the recent past. Specifically, how can I change the way I work? And the way I relate? And the way I manage my time?

How can see things in a fresh, new way?
I'm happy to report that some of my introspection has paid off already, and I have a few ideas about how to address those questions above. I'm probably a little behind the curve--budding instead of blooming--but that's okay. We still have a lot of spring left.

Are you trying any new things this season? Or maybe just feeling inspired by spring? I'd love to hear, so please share your comments below!

Previous ReCentering posts:
Turning the Corner
Setting the Pace
A Reflective Walk
ReCentering

Letter from the Editor: Am I Really Enough?

Good morning (or afternoon for you East Coasters)! I just returned from a visit to the vet (the “boys” needed their annual check-up, and we needed to receive our annual scolding for not brushing their teeth...), and am heading out soon to a women's leadership retreat, but before my day gets away from me I wanted to touch base with you all--

If you’ve been reading Deviantly Domesticated for any length of time, you’ve probably come to learn that I always have new plans and projects up my sleeve. Therefore it should come as no surprise to you that I have some fun features and opportunities planned for this space for the rest of 2010. And one of them is to start writing a letter from the “editor” (so-to-speak)--direct from me to you--on a more regular basis. Because though you often see my latest fashion projects, culinary efforts and thoughts on femininity, you don’t often hear about my day-to-day life as an writer/speaker/wife/friend/etc.

So I thought I’d kick off this new column today with some of my reflections on a je ne sais quoi post I wrote last month--the one about being “enough.” You see, I have to confess that I’ve been struggling with that one quite a bit lately. Probably it comes with the territory of being an entrepreneur--it is common to feel like there is always more work that can be done, and not enough time to do it. But even more so, I’ve been challenged lately because I have ambitions that I’m not attaining. For instance, I’d like to make more money. And I’d love to have a larger audience. And I worry that I’m not doing enough--or don’t have what it takes--to reach the goals I’ve set.

In other words, I worry that I’m falling short. That I don’t have the right skills or the right stamina or the right connections. Because I figure that if I was enough, than I would be more successful at reaching those goals...right? My life doesn’t look the way I want, so there must be something wrong with me...right?

I bring this up because I know that on the surface it looks like I have everything together. But the truth is that I think about these ideas of femininity and confidence and beauty as much as you all do--and I don’t have it all figured out. So even though I have the sense to write about “being enough,” the practice of it is not as easy.

Fortunately I have good friends and family to listen to me, give advice, and offer encouragement. And I’m thankful for all of you, too, who read my posts and send me your comments. So know that in addition to a week full of retreats and business expos and daily chose, I’ll also be working on just being enough.

We’ll talk again soon!
--steph

Turning the Corner

It was around this exact time last year that I decided I needed to freshen up my life. And so I did what housewives have been doing for centuries--I opened my windows, got on my hands and knees, and scrubbed every surface of my house. If you remember, I even soaked my fabric lampshades in the bathtub. And I emptied my spice containers, washed them all out, and applied new labels. And I moved ALL the of the furniture to dust and vacuum underneath.

I was, absolutely, a cleaning maniac. Craig was concerned for my mental health (although also secretly enjoying our new, spotless residence).

Funny--I don’t feel the compulsion to do the same this year.

Oh my house needs it--rest assured. There’s an alarming pile of dirt resting precariously on the blades of my bedroom ceiling fan as we speak. And my magazine stack has definitely regained its former girth.

I’m sure that eventually I’ll get around to it. Once the weather gets warmer and the windows can actually be opened without fear of hypothermia. But even still--I’m not sure I’ll pursue spring cleaning with the same vigor as I did last year.

Why? Well, mainly because I’ve been focused instead on this practice of reCentering. The goal is the same--to bring freshness in--but the means are different. Whereas last year scrubbing and mopping was sufficient for removing the vestiges of winter, I’m afraid that this year requires a bit more intention. And a few different strategies.

You see, last year was a doosie. Even the memory of some of its challenges still spook me like an unwanted phantom. And so what I’m trying to figure out is how to gracefully exit a difficult season and enter one that promises to be lighter. And spring cleaning, I’m afraid, just isn’t all that helpful toward that end.

The tricky thing is that I’ve gotten used to things being dormant. Used to, for instance, this blog tinkering along in obscurity. And used to being infertile. And used to isolation (working from home can definitely do that!). But now I feel like it’s time to start getting used to different things--like attention and fertile-ness and community. And I’m not ashamed to admit that part of me is genuinely afraid to leave my comfort zone! I mean, I’ve learned how to survive in winter. It’s comfortable. Familiar.

But spring is coming. And somehow during this transitional time I’ve got to practice letting go of the familiar and saying hello to new attitudes and projects and hopes and fears. I’m not sure how to do this, exactly, so I’ve been walking more and waking up earlier (ahem...as of this morning), and eating better (as of...well...later today). And I’ve been trying to spend A LOT of time quietly listening to my heart and praying and pondering the future.

And I think I’m on the right track, but time alone will tell. In the meantime I’ll just keep practicing.

I’d love to hear about a time that you turned a corner--and what helped you let go of the past. I invite you to please share your story below--

--steph

Setting the Pace (more thoughts on reCentering)

This time of year is rather two-faced, don't you think? One day it promises a hint of warmth and sun and spring, and the next it slips right back into winter.

In a word, it's a tease. A flirty, coy tease.
Needless to say, "the tease" and I have been spending some time together recently on my regular prairie walks. And you can tell just from the photo collages above and below, that the scenery shifts dramatically from one day to the next.

And naturally--since I've been in a very reflective mood lately--I've been pondering this shifting in my own life. I mean--is it just me or do you feel like this season involves a lot of stutter-stepping? For instance, some days I wake up bursting with energy and ideas, and then other days I slip back into the habit of figuratively curling up and only doing the things that Have to get done.
The truth is that I sense change on the horizon. Good change, mind you. Much, much needed change. And I'm anxious to get there. BUT...

...it seems like the steps I take to reach the horizon are two-forward-and-then-one-back. Change, it appears, will not be rushed. Just like this recent two-faced weather, I can't force "spring" to get here any sooner.
And so in my efforts to reCenter, I am trying to let change set its own pace. It is, at times, a frustrating endeavor. I'd prefer to push it along, already, especially when I'm teased with promises of warmer days. But I'm trying to take a cue from nature and remember that you can't rush out of winter's dormancy into summer overnight. The seeds of new things need time to grow slowly, or else they'll perish.

And the last thing I want is for my much-anticipated change to perish before it has a chance to bloom. So I guess I have no choice but to endure a little more teasing for a time.

ReCentering

note: stay tuned for a brief message from our sponsor... (okay--it's really a message from me.  It just sounds more official put the other way...)  

Hello Friends--

I know I've been a bit off-topic this week--sort of jumbled and disorganized--so bear with me as I post yet again on a subject outside of my norm.  You see, it seems that every year around this time I find myself slightly overwhelmed and little disoriented--like I'm hanging in-limbo between two seasons.  One season--the holidays--has passed, and the other--spring--has yet to begin.  And I'm passing through the middle, slightly dazed.

In other words, what I could really use right about now is a chance to Recenter.  To remove all the clutter (mental and otherwise), reevaluate my priorities and goals, and...well..."freshen up" for spring.  Judging from my recent past, this process usually works itself out in a few weeks time with the aid of some spring cleaning, warmer weather, and my trusty journal.

So, beginning today I am going on a "ReCentering" cleanse.  Not the kind involving anything to do with my colon, thank you very much, but the kind involving all those things I mentioned above.  I'll still be posting daily, of course, but perhaps weaving this theme of refocusing for a new season into our discussions about being a lady.  

With that, I'm off to begin the Centering process.  I'll be back tomorrow with more information and (hopefully) a plan that you can join me on!  

Talk to you soon!
--steph

My Resolution

Speeding Tickets and Other Errors in Financial Judgment...

I had to pay a speeding ticket today. A very expensive speeding ticket. And it got me thinking about money.

Okay...so maybe I was already thinking about money. I was thinking about how debt is the other enemy of originality. And not just debt--sometimes spending in general can be the antagonist.

What I mean is that the most common obstacle standing in the way of living differently is money. How many of us would make different choices with our time if money were no object? Probably about 99% of us.

Money, of course, is an object. A very important one. And we can't just ignore it. But there are two errors in judgment I often see people make when it comes to their money--errors that prevent them from even having the option of making original choices.

The first error is an obvious one: outspending your income. Otherwise known as debt. Debt is not just terrible because it costs you A Lot of extra money over time via high interest rates. And causes stress. And damages relationships.

Debt is also terrible because it places harsh limits on your choices. Like forcing you to work in a job you hate--or for more hours than you'd like--because you need the income to pay bills.

Debt is bad. You get it, I know.

The other error is sneakier. Because it is not about overspending your income, which is fairly easy to diagnose. It is about overspending your goals. Maybe you have plenty of cash to pay your bills from month to month, which is good. But you are also spending a lot of money on things you don't necessarily need. This isn't bad per se, except when that money could open up doors instead.

What I mean is that if you have the goal of staying home someday with your kids--your kids who aren't even born yet because you're twenty three and just out of college--and you are spending your money today with no mind to that goal, you're overspending. It seems harsh to say, but it's true. If a goal is really important to you, but you don't factor it into your spending and saving plan NOW...chances are good that when the time comes to achieve that goal, you won't have the cash.

The bottom line is that living originally usually means making unconventional choices. And those choices often require financial strategy and planning. Because if you don't plan to be unique, your budget will make the decision for you--and it will almost always choose the status quo.

And finally, if you don't pay attention to street signs and happen to get snagged by the police while driving your bright yellow car at twice the speed limit...well then you've also made an error in financial judgment.

A big one.

Crap.

Shifting to Manual

Blah blah blah blah bla-blah blah blah.

If that is what you hear when I mention how busy we all are in this day and age, I don’t blame you. Truly it is one of the most over-done stories in culture today.


We’re busy. We get it. Next subject please.

And so I promise that I won’t linger on the obvious. What I will do is revisit the “auto pilot”--you know, that collection of expectations we tend to adopt because we don’t have time to invent alternatives.



What I’ve observed in my life is that when I’m busy, I gravitate toward the path of least resistance (aka auto pilot). Dinner? How about the drive-through. Gifts? How about the gift card kiosk at the supermarket. Clothing? Whatever looks cute at Target this week. Lifestyle? Whatever everyone else is doing. Sure, I’d like to give my friend a unique present for her new baby, but I don’t have the time. Yes, I’d love to make my husband a homecooked meal from that recipe I’ve been eyeing, but I get home too late. And definitely I would like to be working less and spending less and investing in more fulfilling activities, but I can’t slow down enough to figure out how to do that.


If this sounds familiar, you are certainly not alone!

The simple truth is that originality--the pursuit of living more intentionally and expressively--withers with schedule overload. When we consistently see our original ideas and intentions fall to wayside in favor of box-store merchandise and tv dinners, we know the gears are stuck on auto-pilot. And the first step to shifting into manual is to slow down.

And to spend less, but we’ll get to that tomorrow!

Until then, take a breather and have a happy Wednesday!

Glossary of images, all from independent sellers on Etsy.com!
vintage leather bomber jacket by sew kewl
vintage ray ban amber aviator glasses by the queen of re
airplane girl vinyl wall decal by graphic spaces
aviators noir steampunk ooak necklace by mystic pieces

Walking my Talk

Some of you perhaps have noticed that I’m posting later today than I normally do. I didn’t plan for this alternate schedule. You see, this morning I had one of those “I need to walk the talk” moments when I was writing today’s entry. The subject: busyness. The lesson: taking time to slow down and listen. The audience: me.

I hadn’t even finished writing the sentence: “busyness is the enemy of originality,” when it occurred to me that I had been cramming my schedule for weeks. So much so that when I tried to take a breather this weekend, I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t turn my mind off. I couldn’t leave my to-do list alone.

Now part of my avid busyness is good--I’ve been very inspired lately, and have felt energized to work and create. The evidence of my energy is plain to see in the new patterns I’ve listed in my stores, the knitting projects I’ve finished, the pies I’ve baked.... These things have all been good. But...creating has to be balanced with rest.

So, to take a dose of my own medicine, I unexpectedly took the morning off. I jumped in my car and left the house with my journal, my pen, and no plan. I ended up in an empty parking lot facing the warm sun drinking a fountain soda and taking in the quiet.

For two hours.


No, I didn’t have any great epiphanies or insights. But I did feel myself gradually slow down and gain some perspective. Perspective that reminded me that work and social obligations aren’t always the most important thing, and that sometimes we need to take a step back. Even if it is just for a morning.

I have a bit more to say about the subject of busyness, as well as my thoughts on originality’s other enemy: debt. But more on that later this week.

For now I’m going to soak up a bit more sun and practice what I preach!

See you tomorrow!

A Poem...

try it, try it
the nice lady said
of the sushi and oysters
I sniffed at in dread

so slimy, so soft
are foods that are raw
I pushed them away
with a hearty guffaw

how about liver?
she asked with a smile
as I stared at the plate
of dark meat in a pile

politely I asked
for something instead
so she offered bread pudding
on a syrupy bed

she offered me kale
as a cool veggie side
and a glass of soy milk
that I warily eyed

where are the burgers
where are the fries?
where are the sodas
and fresh apple pies?

eating new things
is all fine and well
except when you’re faced
with foods you’d expel

I packed up my things
and stood to my feet
when finally she offered
some pink pickled beets

I am running late
I spoke, slight annoyed
and drove straight away
to foods I enjoyed

the end

Learning French, and why I want to be a Liberal Arts person

I want to learn French. No, I don’t know anyone who speaks French. And I’m not planning any trips to France any time soon. And I’m not really interested in learning how to cook French food.

I just like the way it sounds.



It is not, admittedly, the most practical reason to learn another language. But learning something new isn’t always about practicality. For instance, I got a college degree in liberal arts. That’s right--one of the most impractical degrees offered. And yet I highly esteem liberal arts, and do not regret for a minute studying it. In fact, I want to be a “liberal arts” person when I grow up.

Oh wait...I’m already grown up. I guess that means I want to be a liberal arts person now.



Which is why I want to learn French. And why I want to challenge myself this year to broaden my intellectual horizons and explore new subjects. Like science, for instance. Or music. Or art.

Because my “intellectual mold” generally involves two things: the economy and design. Which is all fine and well, but we are focusing on breaking out of the mold this week. Breaking out, therefore, means that I need to dip my toes into some other areas. I need to become more well-rounded in that gray matter that sits on my shoulders.



So I might pick up that book on exploratory physics that my husband loves to read and try to work my way through it. And I might have to visit the modern art museum in my town and contemplate the meaning of abstract shapes. And I certainly should dust off the French level 1 Rosetta Stone program I got last year for my birthday and start practicing my pronunciation again! Because learning new things is something I never want to quit doing.



What new thing would you like to learn this next year? Share by posting your comment below!

Until tomorrow, Au Revoir!

Trying Something New...

There is this teenage girl in our neighborhood who rides skateboards. She has long blond hair that blows in the wind behind her as she rides down my street wearing shorts and sneakers.

I want to be her.

I don't want her hair or her youth (who would want to be a teenager again! Ugh!), but I do want to glide ever so smoothly, weaving back and forth down the streets of my neighborhood.

And so I've decided that one of the things I want to try this year is skateboarding. I want to be a skater chick. Minus the grunge, of course. You know my style--I can't pull off grunge.

In my opinion, the best part about trying something new is that it pushes me out of my comfort zone in a relatively harmless way. Because let's face it--we get pushed out of our comfort zones a lot for all sorts of things that are usually unpleasant. Like an unexpected layoff. Or a new baby. Or a sudden illness.


My theory is that trying new things on purpose--like skateboarding and knitting and learning the butterfly stroke (I still can't get my legs and arms to work together!)--gives us practice handling the unexpected, and overcoming steep learning curves. When I'm whizzing down the street on a skateboard with my husband running after me yelling "Bail! Bail!," I'm building character.

And wearing a helmet.


To put it simply, trying new things keeps us from getting too comfortable doing the same-old, same-old. We learn flexibility, which is a crucial skill for living life.

And of course we might pick up a few new hobbies in the process. And some scraped knees.

What would you like to try this year? Share your comment below!

Glossary of skateboard items, all from handmade sellers on Etsy.com:
1. early fall skateboard deck by amy ruppel
2. skateboarder 1 by stephen edward graphic
3. skate notecard set by little korboose
4. crawl walk skateboard onesie by kool kidz
5. recycled skateboard bangle by all deck'd out

Mountain Morning

Every year sometime toward the end of September I have a little ritual. It involves me, a crisp autumn morning, my favorite mountain park, and my journal.

I come here to reflect over the year, and to think about the future.

Some years I have big decisions to make, and I seek this park for the peace and quiet it offers--a chance to get away from my computer and cell phone and just listen to my heart.

And listen to the rushing mountain river, too.

This year I didn't have decisions to make, per se, or even big goals to set for the future. Mainly I just sat in the sun and rested.

I thought about what I've journeyed through over the past 12 months or so, and where I'm headed.

And I'm not sure if it was the beauty of the scenery, or the fresh quality to the mountain air, but up in that canyon I had the wonderful sense of new beginnings, like a turning of the season. A clean slate. A clear morning.

Needless to say, it was a good way to start the day.

What introspective insights do you have this fall? Share your comments below, or email me at shillberry@stephaniehillberry.com.

Day 2: the Secret to Fine Living (and other things I already know but are good to remember anyway)

"The secret to fine living," Mrs. Marple said in today’s class, "is to know who you are. Not just what job you do, or whether you are single or married, or how you look.

"And who you are," she continued, "is a creative female with the ability to make your life into something special."

Even though I already knew this, it was nice to be reminded of it once again. After working for years in a job I didn't enjoy, I found myself using this very piece of encouragement and advice to make a dramatic change. I quit my job and subsequently discovered a whole world of possibility right inside my front door. It was a good decision, and I knew that Mrs. Marple’s advice was true.
She then went on to explain that each of us has the opportunity to develop four major areas in our lives: our industry (how we share our talents with the world), our character, our home, and our outreach (how we help others). “I will,” she explained, “give you assignments during the next 28 days specifically designed to help you develop these areas.”

And she passed out a survey for us to take home and complete before class tomorrow. I've included one for you in case you forgot. Apparently Mrs. Marple doesn't believe that dogs (or husbands, kids, haunted vacuums, and/or devious roommates) will eat your homework.

Speaking of homework...I hope it will not be too much, because frankly I already have a lot on my plate. But I’m guessing that even if I don’t get to all of it right away, I can always come back to it later, when I have more time.

Just don’t tell Mrs. Marple.

**Download Mrs. Marple's 4 Pillar Survey!**

Previous Days @ the Institute:
Day 1: Acceptance
Mrs. Marple's Institute webpage

Back to the Basics: testing my theory for a successful life

I have a compulsion.  I can't get to work--really get focused--unless my house is clean.  Not spring cleaning clean--just run-of-the-mill tidy.  Bed made.  Dishes in the dishwasher.  Stuff off the floor.  That kind of thing.  If things are a mess, my brain feels cluttered.  I can't concentrate.  I feel out-of-sorts.  

I have a theory based on these feelings.  My theory is that our lives operate more smoothly when our home is in order.  By "home" I mean that broad category of domestic duties that fall under the household, like chores and cooking and finances.  And by "operate more smoothly," I mean that we are more equipped (have more energy and focus) for our goals, our careers, and our community.

Since the fall is about to begin, and I have a long list of goals I want to accomplish before the long days of winter set in, I thought I would test this theory out on myself.  Historically the fall has always been a busy, somewhat overwhelming time.  Everyone seems to kick into high gear with sports and social activities and school, and so it seems the same for me.  My life doesn't slow down until after the holidays.  Suddenly it's January and I'm looking back over my list of goals and feeling...well...disappointed.

So I thought, Hey, maybe I could get organized at home, and maybe that organization will flow into other parts of my life.  Like my entrepreneurial career, and my plans to connect more to my community.  Maybe my theory will prove true--that when home base runs smoothly, I'll have more focus for the other important things in my life.  Maybe if I get back to the basics--making my bed, following a budget, planning my meals--I'll find that I have more focus and energy for the other stuff, too.

I think that for the next month or two I'll try it out, and report what I learn.  The theory could be a bust--we'll know soon enough.  Or perhaps I'm right, and having a strong home base makes for successful living.  We'll see.

I hate to be the guinea pig alone, so please! join me and test the theory too.  Or just watch as I ramble on about home life and work life and my life.  Either way, don't be a stranger as I get back to the basics.