Pernicious

per.ni.cious [adjective]: having a harmful effect, esp. in a gradual or subtle way.

There is a pernicious foe that threatens to allure me every holiday season. Sneaking around disguised as pretty advertisements promising me free merchandise and bonus deals is the dreaded "spaver."

That's right--I said "spaver."

The spaver, my friends, looks like a sale. Offering discounts and prizes, it appears to save you money.

But it doesn't. Oh no, it doesn't.

Because what you're really doing with the spaver is not saving but Spending! Like this ad above, beckoning me to spoil myself with this wonderful deal. I only have to spend $89 for a $224 value.

Only $89! What--does money grow on trees these days? I have two words for you: Cover Girl.

Ahem...as an aside, notice how this promotion mentions gift-giving in parenthesis and tiny print while "SPOIL YOURSELF!" is in large, bold letters? THIS is why I end up spending more on myself than anyone else during the holiday season. But I digress...
Moving on, how about this familiar little trick? This time I only need to purchase a sweater at regular price and I can get the second one free! Nevermind that the regular priced sweater I'm paying full price for is probably over $100! And naturally I don't get the free shipping unless I spend $125.

Are you catching a trend here? Notice how much I've already spent so far on these "savings?" (hint: it's already over $200 and that doesn't even include J.Crew and Pottery Barn!)
And even the coupon codes, like the one above, say "SAVE NOW," but you have to spend $75 to get the savings. $75 at Walgreens? What are they selling over there these days, I wonder? Cashmere? Diamonds? Rolex watches?

Pernicious, I tell you. Pernicious.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do...

Dear Budget Diary...

If I were to write a budget diary, this is what it would look like...





This holiday season I really am going to use cash.

Really.

Hope you all have a good Friday!

Speeding Tickets and Other Errors in Financial Judgment...

I had to pay a speeding ticket today. A very expensive speeding ticket. And it got me thinking about money.

Okay...so maybe I was already thinking about money. I was thinking about how debt is the other enemy of originality. And not just debt--sometimes spending in general can be the antagonist.

What I mean is that the most common obstacle standing in the way of living differently is money. How many of us would make different choices with our time if money were no object? Probably about 99% of us.

Money, of course, is an object. A very important one. And we can't just ignore it. But there are two errors in judgment I often see people make when it comes to their money--errors that prevent them from even having the option of making original choices.

The first error is an obvious one: outspending your income. Otherwise known as debt. Debt is not just terrible because it costs you A Lot of extra money over time via high interest rates. And causes stress. And damages relationships.

Debt is also terrible because it places harsh limits on your choices. Like forcing you to work in a job you hate--or for more hours than you'd like--because you need the income to pay bills.

Debt is bad. You get it, I know.

The other error is sneakier. Because it is not about overspending your income, which is fairly easy to diagnose. It is about overspending your goals. Maybe you have plenty of cash to pay your bills from month to month, which is good. But you are also spending a lot of money on things you don't necessarily need. This isn't bad per se, except when that money could open up doors instead.

What I mean is that if you have the goal of staying home someday with your kids--your kids who aren't even born yet because you're twenty three and just out of college--and you are spending your money today with no mind to that goal, you're overspending. It seems harsh to say, but it's true. If a goal is really important to you, but you don't factor it into your spending and saving plan NOW...chances are good that when the time comes to achieve that goal, you won't have the cash.

The bottom line is that living originally usually means making unconventional choices. And those choices often require financial strategy and planning. Because if you don't plan to be unique, your budget will make the decision for you--and it will almost always choose the status quo.

And finally, if you don't pay attention to street signs and happen to get snagged by the police while driving your bright yellow car at twice the speed limit...well then you've also made an error in financial judgment.

A big one.

Crap.

28 Days Makes a Habit (or so they say)

They say 28 days makes a habit. Well, I thought I’d try out the theory by committing to reviewing my finances every single day.

Here’s my account:
Day 1: logged into my Mint. com account and reviewed my expenses.
Day 2: did a whole bunch of things, none of which included looking at my finances.
Days 3-7: did more stuff--very important stuff--but incidentally did not look at my finances.
Day 8: went grocery shopping and thought to myself while looking at my receipt, “boy, I’m not doing very good at this whole finance thing, am I?”
Days 9-10: enjoyed the weekend, and yes--did review my transactions
Day 11: stared mindlessly at my pile of bills and bank statements, thinking “why does adulthood require so much paperwork!?” Then I stacked them neatly in a pile for my attention at a more convenient time...
Days 12-14: still waiting for the more convenient time...
Day 15: clearly have to reset to Day 1 again...

Judging Me...
By now you’re probably judging my hypocrisy for writing so much about budgeting and my former life as a banker while simultaneously flunking Budgeting 101. What can I say? I need help just as much as you do!

The truth is that it is easy to say I’m going to do the right things when it comes to my money, but it is much harder to do them. I get busy. I get stressed. I get overwhelmed by all the paperwork. Sometimes I get afraid of what I’m going to see (“I spent what on clothing last month?!”).

Practice Makes Perfect
But I’m convinced that practice makes perfect. And clearly I need the practice. Lots of it. Good thing that budgeting is popular during a recession!

What about you? What motivates you to keep track of your dollars and cents? One of my friends said her motivator is guilt--feeling very guilty about debt. Does that sound familiar? Maybe it’s something else? Share your thoughts by commenting below.

Previous Related Posts:
Can I Get a Pulse?
Kickin' my Budget into Gear!
The New Midas Touch

Wading into the Deep End: an Uncommon Approach to Budgeting

As promised yesterday, I am devoting a couple days to budgeting, and I'm kicking off the discussion with a talk about my city's budgeting strategy.  Right off the bat I'll admit that it is quite dorky for me to use municipal planning as an example of good budgeting.  I mean, a) it reveals the fact that I actually know details about my municipality's planning strategy, which is weird, and b) that I know enough to recommend this strategy to you, which is also weird.

I won't go into why I know this information (it was rooted in a rampant curiosity about the town I live in), or even the specifics of the strategy.  But I will tell you the general idea, which is that good budgets start with your values and build from there.

Now, this seems to make common sense.  And in fact it is very close to the way we normally budget, which is to use our goals as a compass to guide us.  But although similar, goals and values are not the same.  For instance, one of my goals is to be able to send my husband to graduate school someday, but the underlying value--meaningful knowledge and work--is deeper and broader.

This budgeting strategy, then, starts not with what do I want to accomplish? (goals), but who do I want to be? (values).  Once you determine who you want to be as an individual (or family if you are married and/or have children), you then assign your dollars accordingly.  Now I'm tempted to jump into a bunch of examples of what this looks like, but I'll save that for tomorrow.  First I want to make a point about the nature of Nesting, and how it synchs with this budgeting strategy.

The truth is that though on the surface Nesting just looks like decorating and preparing for children, beneath that veneer it is actually a process of deciding who we want to be as women and what our values are.  Because the root of our lives--our homes and core relationships--are the first place we express our values and our ambitions.  Putting those spaces (both physical and ideological) into the order that best nurtures who we want to be is part of the DNA of Nesting.  And since money is such a powerful tool in this process, it makes sense that budgeting plan that starts first with values fits well within Nesting.

Now I confess that I waded into the deep end of the pool with this post, perhaps a bit more than I intended.  And the truth is that even I'm a little surprised at some of the turns this series has taken (like going from cork finials to the core of who I am as a person in two days time!).  But if HGTV can get away with "start at home," and make it sound cool, than I figure I can too, even if it does get a little deep!

BTW--this budgeting strategy that I'll talk more about tomorrow helped my town garner an economic surplus during a time when most cities are operating in the red.  Pretty impressive!

Previous Nesting posts:

Managing Cash in the Nest

Domestic Deep Thoughts

Nesting: the Pursuit of Beauty

Managing Cash in the Nest

Those of you who have been following this blog probably suspected that eventually I would somehow tie budgeting into nesting.  Well, that time has come!  Hooray!  Hooray! (okay--so maybe I'm the only one who gets excited about it...)

Last fall I posted several times about my personal struggles and triumphs with spending and organizing my finances.  I lauded Mint.com as one of my best finds for the year (and then subsequently quit visiting it...), and wrote about practicing mindfulness when venturing into the stores.  

Since then, I've touched on the subject from time to time, even a tiny bit during this series.  Up to this point, though, Nesting has been in large part devoted to creating comfortable and cozy living spaces.  Establishing a home, however, also includes the pursuit of order.  And I can't imagine an area needing more order in my life than my household finances.

The concept of financial order in Nesting is certainly less endearing than design and motherhood.  But it is arguably as important.  Finance, as we are learning in the nation and the world right now, has this knack of sowing itself in to the foundation of everything, including our households.  So while a pretty living room may bring comfort and joy (and believe me, it does), it will not manage to erase the anxiety that comes from economic insecurity or debt.  There are few things in the world that have the power to bring us as much comfort as secure finances--even soft beds and warm soup on cold days have trouble competing.  To draw an analogy from nature, birds can build nests to lay and hatch eggs, but they still have to bring in the bacon (or seeds, or bread, or whatever).  One pursuit cannot survive without the other.

And so I'll be spending a few days discussing the subject of getting my dollars and cents in order, all as an extension of Nesting.  Starting tomorrow when I borrow a great budgeting idea from the city I live in.  Come back to learn more!

Previous related posts:

Nesting is...Economizing

Getting to the Root of My Money Problems

Smarty Pants: the Federal Debt

The Money Challenge--Breaking my Bad Habits

I woke up this morning, like everyone else, to news of turmoil in the financial world.  The words "crisis" and "disaster" were being tossed around by most of the news outlets, with fears of more to come.  

Given this news, it seemed fitting for me to start writing about another big part of my domestic experiment this fall--managing the household finances.  Now, I certainly won't use the words "crisis" or "disaster" to describe my finances, but I will say that the first part of my back to basics challenge--cleaning, cooking, etc.--is a lot easier for me than the money part.  I'd rather scrub a sink than balance my checkbook any day.  

Case in point:

*  months of bank statements are piled up waiting for me to reconcile them.  It will take me hours. 

*  the elaborate household budget I set up at the start of the year has been shamefully ignored.

*  even though I intend to, I rarely check my receipts to make sure they are correct.

*  I have no idea how much money I spend during an average month.

*  I do tend to shop when I'm feeling down and need a pick me up.  And I am a sucker for well placed advertisements enticing me to buy things I don't need.

*  and I buy all the wrong things on sale (practicing the art of "spaving") and rarely the right things

What I know is that these habits are not great, and that with a little strategy and some discipline I could clean up my act.  Fortunately, I do have some things going for me, namely that I'm not a big spender and I hate debt.  Unfortunately, my bad habits are keeping me from being a good steward of my resources (there's that stewardship issue again....).  

Obviously I have my work cut out for me!  Stayed tuned to hear more....

Also, check out what I have to say about the latest financial headlines on my current events blog, Cigars in the Parlour.

What's to Come...

I mentioned earlier in the introduction of my "back to basics" experiment, that for me "home" means more than just laundry and scrubbing.  Home encompasses my day-to-day activities that fall outside of my job and other outward responsibilities.  So while domestic chores (those we typically associate with the housewife) are part of it, so is managing household finances and personal relationships.  Because quite frankly for me, the cleaning and cooking is the easy part.  It's the money and relationships that I struggle with, especially when I'm busy.

So, I'm challenging myself in all three areas, with the idea that if I take care of them, my career and community goals will naturally fall into place.  And as promised, I'll report back to you my reflections, frustrations, and remarks about the whole process.

Here's a brief calendar, then, or what I'm thinking.  Part one (a week or so) I'll start with the easiest area and talk about my domestic challenges.  Part two (another week or two) I'll tackle money.  And (you guessed it), part three is relationships.

Now, I'm a "resource" person, meaning that if I stumble upon a really good website that helps me in this challenge, or a good book, or read a good article, I'll mention it.  Furthermore, I lve creating resources of my own.  For instance, I'm already breaking in a yearly meal planner (kind of like a day planner, only for meals) I created on my computer, and would love to share it with you if it turns out to be beneficial.

On the flip side, I love hearing from other people.  So if you have any great tips, ideas, or resources yourself, please share.  You can comment here on this blog, or email me at shillberry@comcast.net.

Additionally, I'd like to invite you all to visit my website at www.stephaniehillberry.com.  I'm constantly developing new ideas about how we modern ladies can live unconventional lifestyles and lead our communities with our gifts and talents.  My recommendation is to start with "I'm rooted" and work your way forward from there.

Finally, join me tomorrow for the first edition of "Saturday Sussies."  Sussy is a word I picked up from my Texas family.  Apparently it stands for a small trinket or treasure that is stumbled upon unexpectedly, perfect for gifting or keeping yourself.  Saturday Sussies, then, are treasures--be they great websites, blogs I love, home design items, cute handbags, etc.--that I stumbled upon and want to share with you.

So hopefully I'll see you tomorrow!  Happy Friday!

Out-of-Balance

Normally I'm not a critical person.  Really--you can ask my husband.  I'm fairly mellow, letting others be.  I generally prefer to see the strengths in others.  But sometimes I just have to point out the flaws.  Like when I see someone wearing white athletic socks with dress shoes (really, what are they thinking?).  Or, say, when I see the economy operating out of balance.

On the latter, I don't want to be overly critical of the economy.  After all, it has provided a lot for me, like a paycheck and the ability to pay bills and the money to buy this computer I'm typing on.  And it helps the community, too, by providing jobs and healthcare and entertainment.  It's just that while providing these great things, a few not-so-great things happen too.  There are a handful of philosophies that I think could use some tweaking, like switching out athletic socks for dressy ones.  They are as follows:

Philosophy #1: "it's not personal, it's business" 

I have to confess that there is a sort of comfort in this ideal.  To push aside emotion and stick to the bottom line can be ruthlessly refreshing.  However, for most of us women, it is personal.  When our friend loses a job, it's personal.  When our coworker takes credit for our idea, it's personal.  When we get a raise, it's personal.  When our business fails, it's personal.  

The trouble with taking the emotional, personal connection out of business is that at least half of us in the workforce are emotionally and personally connected.  For us, business is relational. And though relationships can be inconvenient to the bottom line, ignoring them can produce negative consequences for all of us.

Philosophy #2:  "bigger is better"

When it comes to the economy, growth is king.  The more growth, the more wealth.  The more wealth, the better for everyone, right?  Not necessarily.  

Big can become a bulldozer, plowing down everything in its path.  And sometimes our health, our communities, and our families are the casualties crushed in the wake.  

Philosophy #3: "the bottom line is the bottom line"

AKA: it's all about the money.  Measuring value exclusively by dollars and cents doesn't make much sense to most of us.  And yet it is the modus operandi of the modern economy.  Every sensible business owner will tell you that at the end of the day, profit is what matters.  But what happens when money now means fallout later?

Philosophy #4: "leave work at work, and home at home"

How is it that everyone seems to be so good at compartmentalizing life?  Oh wait...not everyone is good at it?  You mean that you have a hard time keeping work and home separate too?  Apparently we're out of luck, because the economy operates best when work is work.  It prefers not to be bothered with sick kids at home, and "mental health days," and the individual ebb and flow of creative energy.  It could care less about the fight you had with your husband while you were walking out the door.  And it does not understand your frustration when you want to have a relaxing evening but can't seem to shut off from "work-mode."  Leave work at work, and home at home.  How about bring work home and take home to work?  How about mashing them all together in one messy heap?  

You already know what's coming next.  Women, incidentally, are the antidote to the negative consequences of these philosophies.  In fact, it is our preference for the opposite of these philosophies that characterizes the SHEconomy.  Check in tomorrow to hear more.

Utopia aside...

Undoubtedly the most challenging issue that I have encountered since leaving my job in corporate America is the green stuff.  That's right--money.  It seems that even if you decide to exit the traditional workforce, you still find yourself under the gun to prove your value in the marketplace.

Now, a part of me genuinely wishes that this weren't so.  I'd prefer for us to all live in a lovely utopia where what we earn and how we earn it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.  And yes, money does grow on trees in this utopia.  Unfortunately, we do not live in such a place.  

Of course, another (more practical) part of me thinks that being successful in the marketplace isn't something to run from.  I mean, I know that no one expects housewives to earn an income, but why not?  We are living in modern times, where practically anyone can operate a micro-business from their own home.  And women are awfully creative and resourceful.

So, putting my utopian dreams aside (momentarily), I've decided to explore this area of micro-business a little more thoroughly.  (I know what you're thinking--here she goes with more research again.  I can't help myself.  I'm addicted.)  Why?  Because I think that maybe, just maybe, micro-business might be a boon for women like myself who want to earn some money, but in a less traditional way.  And maybe there are a lot of women who currently work in small, tight cubbies and would prefer to do something different, but just need some encouragement.  And maybe there are also women (like me) who are currently staying at home and would feel a whole lot better if they could put a little of their energy every day into something that might bear some financial fruit.

If you are one or many of the above, stay tuned this week as I dig a little deeper into the world of money and business.  

So, 

"She-conomy"

I have been reflecting a lot this week on money.  Earning money, to be more specific.  After having lunch with an entrepreneurial friend, I realized with even greater conviction that earning money is an important issue for women to address in these times--even women who opt out of the traditional workforce to stay home.

The trouble with earning money these days (well, one of the troubles anyway) is that the predominant economic system is incompatible for those of us who are choosing a more home-centered lifestyle.  With its "bigger is better" mantra, and often heavy-handed culture, the prevailing economy is not very conducive to the flexibility and nimbleness that women might prefer.

Of course, our modern economy is very effective at what it does, and to attempt to reform it for stay-at-home types seems futile, if not foolish.  This is why I propose the establishment of an alternative e-conomy: a "she-conomy', if you will.  This economy can easily operate alongside the traditional cog-and-wheel system, but in a very different way.

In my mind, the "she-conomy" elevates a more...shall we say, feminine, approach to earning and selling.  And as such, it offers a counterbalance to the current system.  The following are qualities I envision in a "she-conomy":

1.  small and nimble (vs. big and bulky): the American Dream of building an empire out of rags might be well and fine if you don't have to get dinner on the table and give the kids a bath.  The trouble with empires, after all, is that they are difficult to lug around, and require too much time.  Women need an economic culture that offers opportunities for smaller, more portable businesses--ones they can carry with them while they multi-task with a million other things.

2.  flexible: kids get sick, babies need nursing, friends need comfort...and women need an economy that is flexible enough to go with the flow.  Making money can't always trump the needs of others, so there must be a way to make it in the process of everything else.

3.  community-centered:  yes, globalization is a boon for the market, but most women I know don't feel too comfortable when the community suffers at the hands of super-size corporations.  A she-conomy intentionally supports local women making a living and sharing resources with others, even if its means are global.  

4.  relational: women flourish among friends, neighbors and family--why can't our economy flourish here also?  Impersonal and distant (a common byproduct of big business) is too isolating.  A she-conomy is best built among the support and connections around us.

The million dollar question is can a "she-conomy" actually deliver?  I believe the answer is yes, and I think it is already flourishing in pockets around the globe.  I definitely will be talking more about the traits of a she-conomy in the future, and will be looking for stories of women who are making it happen in their own lives and in their communities.  If you have such a story, please share it with my by writing to me at shillberry@comcast.net.