ReCentering: a Time to Grow

My original plan for today was to show you the new dress I've been working on that I'll be wearing to a benefit next week...

...BUT in spite of my earnest intentions, I haven't finished it yet. So Plan B is to revisit a subject that I brought up earlier this year: reCentering.
As I wrote previously, I have been trying to take advantage of the changing seasons this year to do some reflection and introspection. Because after a long period of dormancy, it is time for me to make some changes, too, so that I can move forward.

In other words, it is time for me to follow the lead of these lovely plants in my yard and start to grow and bloom.
The Bible (and a tune from the Byrds) says that there are seasons for everything. The trick, I suppose, is to know which season you are in. And though I wouldn't say that our lives always follow the rhythm of nature, I definitely think that now is a season for me to blossom!

Of course, not being an actual plant, I've had to consider what "growth" looks like for me. And certainly it involves a lot of things, including adding more readers like you, trying new projects, and making new friends.
Toward this end, one thing I've really been contemplating is how I can do things differently than the way I've done them in the recent past. Specifically, how can I change the way I work? And the way I relate? And the way I manage my time?

How can see things in a fresh, new way?
I'm happy to report that some of my introspection has paid off already, and I have a few ideas about how to address those questions above. I'm probably a little behind the curve--budding instead of blooming--but that's okay. We still have a lot of spring left.

Are you trying any new things this season? Or maybe just feeling inspired by spring? I'd love to hear, so please share your comments below!

Previous ReCentering posts:
Turning the Corner
Setting the Pace
A Reflective Walk
ReCentering

Shifting to Manual

Blah blah blah blah bla-blah blah blah.

If that is what you hear when I mention how busy we all are in this day and age, I don’t blame you. Truly it is one of the most over-done stories in culture today.


We’re busy. We get it. Next subject please.

And so I promise that I won’t linger on the obvious. What I will do is revisit the “auto pilot”--you know, that collection of expectations we tend to adopt because we don’t have time to invent alternatives.



What I’ve observed in my life is that when I’m busy, I gravitate toward the path of least resistance (aka auto pilot). Dinner? How about the drive-through. Gifts? How about the gift card kiosk at the supermarket. Clothing? Whatever looks cute at Target this week. Lifestyle? Whatever everyone else is doing. Sure, I’d like to give my friend a unique present for her new baby, but I don’t have the time. Yes, I’d love to make my husband a homecooked meal from that recipe I’ve been eyeing, but I get home too late. And definitely I would like to be working less and spending less and investing in more fulfilling activities, but I can’t slow down enough to figure out how to do that.


If this sounds familiar, you are certainly not alone!

The simple truth is that originality--the pursuit of living more intentionally and expressively--withers with schedule overload. When we consistently see our original ideas and intentions fall to wayside in favor of box-store merchandise and tv dinners, we know the gears are stuck on auto-pilot. And the first step to shifting into manual is to slow down.

And to spend less, but we’ll get to that tomorrow!

Until then, take a breather and have a happy Wednesday!

Glossary of images, all from independent sellers on Etsy.com!
vintage leather bomber jacket by sew kewl
vintage ray ban amber aviator glasses by the queen of re
airplane girl vinyl wall decal by graphic spaces
aviators noir steampunk ooak necklace by mystic pieces

Walking my Talk

Some of you perhaps have noticed that I’m posting later today than I normally do. I didn’t plan for this alternate schedule. You see, this morning I had one of those “I need to walk the talk” moments when I was writing today’s entry. The subject: busyness. The lesson: taking time to slow down and listen. The audience: me.

I hadn’t even finished writing the sentence: “busyness is the enemy of originality,” when it occurred to me that I had been cramming my schedule for weeks. So much so that when I tried to take a breather this weekend, I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t turn my mind off. I couldn’t leave my to-do list alone.

Now part of my avid busyness is good--I’ve been very inspired lately, and have felt energized to work and create. The evidence of my energy is plain to see in the new patterns I’ve listed in my stores, the knitting projects I’ve finished, the pies I’ve baked.... These things have all been good. But...creating has to be balanced with rest.

So, to take a dose of my own medicine, I unexpectedly took the morning off. I jumped in my car and left the house with my journal, my pen, and no plan. I ended up in an empty parking lot facing the warm sun drinking a fountain soda and taking in the quiet.

For two hours.


No, I didn’t have any great epiphanies or insights. But I did feel myself gradually slow down and gain some perspective. Perspective that reminded me that work and social obligations aren’t always the most important thing, and that sometimes we need to take a step back. Even if it is just for a morning.

I have a bit more to say about the subject of busyness, as well as my thoughts on originality’s other enemy: debt. But more on that later this week.

For now I’m going to soak up a bit more sun and practice what I preach!

See you tomorrow!

A Poem...

try it, try it
the nice lady said
of the sushi and oysters
I sniffed at in dread

so slimy, so soft
are foods that are raw
I pushed them away
with a hearty guffaw

how about liver?
she asked with a smile
as I stared at the plate
of dark meat in a pile

politely I asked
for something instead
so she offered bread pudding
on a syrupy bed

she offered me kale
as a cool veggie side
and a glass of soy milk
that I warily eyed

where are the burgers
where are the fries?
where are the sodas
and fresh apple pies?

eating new things
is all fine and well
except when you’re faced
with foods you’d expel

I packed up my things
and stood to my feet
when finally she offered
some pink pickled beets

I am running late
I spoke, slight annoyed
and drove straight away
to foods I enjoyed

the end

Learning French, and why I want to be a Liberal Arts person

I want to learn French. No, I don’t know anyone who speaks French. And I’m not planning any trips to France any time soon. And I’m not really interested in learning how to cook French food.

I just like the way it sounds.



It is not, admittedly, the most practical reason to learn another language. But learning something new isn’t always about practicality. For instance, I got a college degree in liberal arts. That’s right--one of the most impractical degrees offered. And yet I highly esteem liberal arts, and do not regret for a minute studying it. In fact, I want to be a “liberal arts” person when I grow up.

Oh wait...I’m already grown up. I guess that means I want to be a liberal arts person now.



Which is why I want to learn French. And why I want to challenge myself this year to broaden my intellectual horizons and explore new subjects. Like science, for instance. Or music. Or art.

Because my “intellectual mold” generally involves two things: the economy and design. Which is all fine and well, but we are focusing on breaking out of the mold this week. Breaking out, therefore, means that I need to dip my toes into some other areas. I need to become more well-rounded in that gray matter that sits on my shoulders.



So I might pick up that book on exploratory physics that my husband loves to read and try to work my way through it. And I might have to visit the modern art museum in my town and contemplate the meaning of abstract shapes. And I certainly should dust off the French level 1 Rosetta Stone program I got last year for my birthday and start practicing my pronunciation again! Because learning new things is something I never want to quit doing.



What new thing would you like to learn this next year? Share by posting your comment below!

Until tomorrow, Au Revoir!

Trying Something New...

There is this teenage girl in our neighborhood who rides skateboards. She has long blond hair that blows in the wind behind her as she rides down my street wearing shorts and sneakers.

I want to be her.

I don't want her hair or her youth (who would want to be a teenager again! Ugh!), but I do want to glide ever so smoothly, weaving back and forth down the streets of my neighborhood.

And so I've decided that one of the things I want to try this year is skateboarding. I want to be a skater chick. Minus the grunge, of course. You know my style--I can't pull off grunge.

In my opinion, the best part about trying something new is that it pushes me out of my comfort zone in a relatively harmless way. Because let's face it--we get pushed out of our comfort zones a lot for all sorts of things that are usually unpleasant. Like an unexpected layoff. Or a new baby. Or a sudden illness.


My theory is that trying new things on purpose--like skateboarding and knitting and learning the butterfly stroke (I still can't get my legs and arms to work together!)--gives us practice handling the unexpected, and overcoming steep learning curves. When I'm whizzing down the street on a skateboard with my husband running after me yelling "Bail! Bail!," I'm building character.

And wearing a helmet.


To put it simply, trying new things keeps us from getting too comfortable doing the same-old, same-old. We learn flexibility, which is a crucial skill for living life.

And of course we might pick up a few new hobbies in the process. And some scraped knees.

What would you like to try this year? Share your comment below!

Glossary of skateboard items, all from handmade sellers on Etsy.com:
1. early fall skateboard deck by amy ruppel
2. skateboarder 1 by stephen edward graphic
3. skate notecard set by little korboose
4. crawl walk skateboard onesie by kool kidz
5. recycled skateboard bangle by all deck'd out

Breaking out of the Mold, and how I discovered I like sauerkraut

I didn’t plan to break out of the mold on that hot summer day three years ago. We had just finished grilling some brats, and had cracked open a few beers, when suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps sauerkraut would be a tasty addition to our meal (have I mentioned that I have a little German blood in me?).



Now it is important to understand that prior to this summer day I used to cringe at the sight of sauerkraut. Pickled cabbage? Come on--who would want to eat such a thing? Pickling is for one thing and one thing only: pickles. Nothing else good could come from soaking things in vinegar and spice until they ferment. Right?

Such were my thoughts until I piled a little onto my bratwurst and took a bite. It was like the gates of heaven opened and the birds began to sing. Okay--maybe it wasn’t quite like that...I might be exaggerating. But it was good, and I’ve been a sauerkraut devotee ever since.



Why am I telling you a story about fermented cabbage, you ask? Because it illustrates--albeit rather superficially--the theme for this week. You see, Being an Original, at least for me, has a lot to do with breaking the mold. And I’m not talking about society’s molds or our culture’s molds or the molds those scary Spanx undergarments make. I’m talking about the molds we create for ourselves. Otherwise known as the limitations we adopt, usually because we’re ignorant, self conscious, and/or too comfy for change.

For instance, in the case of the sauerkraut aversion, I was a) ignorant of the wonderful flavor of pickled cabbage, and b) too comfy with my usual brat fix'ns (that’s a little Texas slang for y’all) to try something new. That mold needed to be broken. Oh yes, it needed it.



Pickled cabbage aside, we are going to spend the week talking about the virtue of trying new things and learning new things. And perhaps eating new things too. I’m looking forward to it!

And I promise pickled cabbage won't come up again.

Hope you have a good Monday!

Narrowing the Parameters

It is not a secret that women have always worn a lot of different hats. We are mothers, employees, wives, friends, homemakers, daughters, sisters, caretakers, and so on and so on. So when asked the question, “who do you want to be?” the process of answering can get overwhelming. And takes careful thought. And some investment of time.

Is it no wonder, then, that we often just pass over the question entirely? Frankly it can feel like too much work to answer.



To help me tackle this query, then, I tried to narrow down the parameters a bit. First I considered character. What, I asked, are the three most important character qualities that I want to be known for? And after debating a list of choices, I decided I wanted to have 1) wisdom, 2) leadership, and 3) courage (often displayed as confidence). There were admittedly a lot of other virtuous traits I could have chosen--like empathy, charity, and patience--and perhaps some of those would make the top of your list. But I had to start somewhere, so I started with my top three.



Then I moved onto money. I figured that my attitude and relationship with money (or, more broadly, resources) said a lot about who I was, so I wanted to make sure the message was a good one. I determined that stewardship was my highest priority--meaning that above all things I wanted to be thankful and responsible with the money and resources I had. This meant being a conscientious consumer and a conservative spender. I also decided that I wanted to make money--to be profitable--during all the seasons of my life. Which led me to the next category: work.

I know that what we do isn’t who we are, but we can express who we are through our work. And so I decided that my work had to provide an outlet for my creativity and intellect, and that it needed to profit my family. Since the job I was working at the time of this little personal inventory only satisfied the last measure--profit--I knew I needed to make a change.



Finally, a large part of who we are involves the relationships we have in our lives. We don’t want our roles in relationships to completely define us, but we do want to be intentional about them. So I decided to examine mine and try to put them into order of importance. Was my role as a mother (well...future mother as in my case) more valuable to me than my role as a friend or a wife? If so, I would need to invest more into it. As such, I actually decided that Wife was my first priority (something I’m constantly trying to remember...), and that Mother came second, and Friend came third. Related to this, I also decided that Mother was more important to me than Worker, which gave me the permission to nurture my maternal side, and to ease up a bit on career.



In any event, this is a long-winded way of saying that taking the time to explore who I wanted to be was worth the energy, and narrowing down the question helped me get to the answers.

So if you’re feeling introspective this weekend, and have a bit of leisure time, consider the following:

:: what three character qualities do you want to be known by?
:: what do you want your money to say about you?
:: what kind of work would express your personality best?
:: and what relational roles are the most important to you?

Happy Introspection!

Glossary of Hats, all from handmade sellers on Etsy.com:
1. romantic chunky knit beret by crafts 2 cherish
2. knitcollar hood by hortensia handmade
3. 1940’s style linen hat by sanchia 845
4. havana fedora by tissage
5. birdcage by fatale femme

Day 2: the Secret to Fine Living (and other things I already know but are good to remember anyway)

"The secret to fine living," Mrs. Marple said in today’s class, "is to know who you are. Not just what job you do, or whether you are single or married, or how you look.

"And who you are," she continued, "is a creative female with the ability to make your life into something special."

Even though I already knew this, it was nice to be reminded of it once again. After working for years in a job I didn't enjoy, I found myself using this very piece of encouragement and advice to make a dramatic change. I quit my job and subsequently discovered a whole world of possibility right inside my front door. It was a good decision, and I knew that Mrs. Marple’s advice was true.
She then went on to explain that each of us has the opportunity to develop four major areas in our lives: our industry (how we share our talents with the world), our character, our home, and our outreach (how we help others). “I will,” she explained, “give you assignments during the next 28 days specifically designed to help you develop these areas.”

And she passed out a survey for us to take home and complete before class tomorrow. I've included one for you in case you forgot. Apparently Mrs. Marple doesn't believe that dogs (or husbands, kids, haunted vacuums, and/or devious roommates) will eat your homework.

Speaking of homework...I hope it will not be too much, because frankly I already have a lot on my plate. But I’m guessing that even if I don’t get to all of it right away, I can always come back to it later, when I have more time.

Just don’t tell Mrs. Marple.

**Download Mrs. Marple's 4 Pillar Survey!**

Previous Days @ the Institute:
Day 1: Acceptance
Mrs. Marple's Institute webpage

Exactly What I've Been Searching For!

That's perfect!  Just what I've been looking for!

Brought to you by Deviancy 101.  Tune in next week to learn more!

Previous Deviant Posts:

Am I Deviantly Disappointing?

Defining Deviancy...

Don't go far--catch my last Election Exercise, posting later today.  And don't miss tomorrow's Saturday Sussie (treasures and trinkets for fun!)!

Am I Deviantly Disappointing?

I thought for my introduction to Deviancy 101 I would tell you a story about a recent event I attended.  It was a lecture on civic engagement hosted by a fellowship for young college graduates.  The fellowship--a combination of rigorous academic study and an internship--is very similar to a program that I had the opportunity to participate in while I was still a college student.

I attended the lecture to a) be inspired, and b) to talk with current fellows about life and their plans for the future and their perspective on the world.  And of course I ended up talking about what I'm up to these days (blogging), which led to conversations about what I write about (being deviantly domesticated).

I couldn't help but wonder, as I talked to these ambitious young people, what they thought of my life choices.  I mean, it was not so long ago that I was in their very shoes, exploring my career options and thinking seriously of a life in public leadership (aka politics) or non-profit management.  Less than eight years later, I was working from home and writing about...well...home.  I wondered if they deemed me a disappointment, as if I'd somehow traded-in my higher aspirations for domestic life.

I found myself asking some serious questions while driving home.  Was I really a disappointment to my education and opportunities (I had lots of both)?  Was I making a mistake by leaving the workforce to build a career from home?  Was I sacrificing opportunities for leadership by taking this unconventional path?

Culturally I suppose that I feel some pressure to answer "yes" to those questions.  But I can't shake the conviction that my "lifestyle makeover" really was the right choice.  Choosing to deviate from the norm has been liberating (albeit a bit challenging).  And over the next several weeks I want to talk about how those deviant choices might actually open doors (rather than close them) for leadership and financial success.  Call it Deviancy 101.

To read more about my personal journey into deviancy, click here.

And don't forget to subscribe to my blog to start receiving automatic Deviancy 101 updates delivered to you!  click here learn more.

And stay tuned later this week for more Election Exercises (my ways of getting ready for the vote), and my first Book Sleuth review!

Back to the Basics: testing my theory for a successful life

I have a compulsion.  I can't get to work--really get focused--unless my house is clean.  Not spring cleaning clean--just run-of-the-mill tidy.  Bed made.  Dishes in the dishwasher.  Stuff off the floor.  That kind of thing.  If things are a mess, my brain feels cluttered.  I can't concentrate.  I feel out-of-sorts.  

I have a theory based on these feelings.  My theory is that our lives operate more smoothly when our home is in order.  By "home" I mean that broad category of domestic duties that fall under the household, like chores and cooking and finances.  And by "operate more smoothly," I mean that we are more equipped (have more energy and focus) for our goals, our careers, and our community.

Since the fall is about to begin, and I have a long list of goals I want to accomplish before the long days of winter set in, I thought I would test this theory out on myself.  Historically the fall has always been a busy, somewhat overwhelming time.  Everyone seems to kick into high gear with sports and social activities and school, and so it seems the same for me.  My life doesn't slow down until after the holidays.  Suddenly it's January and I'm looking back over my list of goals and feeling...well...disappointed.

So I thought, Hey, maybe I could get organized at home, and maybe that organization will flow into other parts of my life.  Like my entrepreneurial career, and my plans to connect more to my community.  Maybe my theory will prove true--that when home base runs smoothly, I'll have more focus for the other important things in my life.  Maybe if I get back to the basics--making my bed, following a budget, planning my meals--I'll find that I have more focus and energy for the other stuff, too.

I think that for the next month or two I'll try it out, and report what I learn.  The theory could be a bust--we'll know soon enough.  Or perhaps I'm right, and having a strong home base makes for successful living.  We'll see.

I hate to be the guinea pig alone, so please! join me and test the theory too.  Or just watch as I ramble on about home life and work life and my life.  Either way, don't be a stranger as I get back to the basics.

Eating Bonbons

I have a friend who is a full-time mom with a part-time career.  When asked by her coworkers, "what do you do all day,"  she would reply "I eat bonbons, of course."  No doubt envious of her seemingly free schedule compared to theirs, their question illuminates a common perception about women who choose to stay home: that every day for them is like a weekend day, full of leisure and movies and walks to the park.  

I can see why they might think this.  I, myself, often wondered what women do all day when they stay home with children (I guarantee it is more than eat bonbons).  Even more so, I'm sure people wonder how I fill my time at home all day without children.  Don't I get bored?  Do I watch a lot of television?  Do I hit the shopping mall or Target to get out of the house?  

So, in response to this secret question I'm sure everyone asks, I will offer a response.  In general, I am busy, all day, every day.  Why?  Because I am doing a lot of the things that we all wish we could do if we had more time.  For instance, I exercise regularly, which is something I was terrible at doing consistently when I worked full-time.  I plan and prepare meals that are tasty and healthy.  I walk my dogs.  I spend a lot of time talking with husband about all sorts of things (something I had far less energy for when working a ton).  I clean the house.  I write.  I make things to sell in my etsy shop.  I visit other friends who stay home, or have lunch with those that work.  I read the news.  I read books.  I go to the library.  I garden.  I haven't started volunteering yet, but I want to, and will.

The funny thing is that I do some things less than I used to--things I used to spend my weekends doing when I was working a lot.  For instance, I watch a lot less tv.  I eat less junk food.  I drive my car less.  I shop less, and spend less money in general.  And I do other things more.  I create more.  I socialize more (a lot more, thankfully), and have more friends.  I have more sex.  I smile more.

Of course, I also make less money.  And I am probably less impressive to people.  But I don't have a boring life, and my days are full.  And quite frankly my weekdays now are better than my weekends used to be.  And now that I think about it, I might have a bonbon.