a Foolproof Formula

And for the record, I REFUSE to try oysters though they do make him so very happy. There's just something seriously unappealing about those slimy centers...

Oh Husband: a Valentine soliloquy

ahem...a poem to my love:
Husband. Oh husband. Today we celebrate our timeless love.
Streams of affection flowing from our hearts,
finding refuge in our wedded bond.
How can we express the depth of our feeling?
How can we share our
passion and zeal?
But wait! Upon pursuing such words, I recalled something true:
You hate this mushy stuff.
And for that matter...
...so do I.
When the rest of the world is spilling out sonnets and sweet nothings,
we would rather just get to the point...
...say what we mean
...without all the frills.
And what, dear husband, do we mean?
Just this: that true love involves the day-in-and-out
Like when I buy swiss cheese even though I hate it
because I know you like those creepy round holes
And when you make sure that we have enough toilet paper
to last through the Apocalypse
in case--just in case--the tissue supply runs dry.
Or like when you nag me to get my oil changed
every day
for a month
(seriously--I heard you. I’ll get around to it when I can!)
Or tolerate my mild obsession for pillows
with only a few complaints
every evening
before bed.
Oh husband, dear husband--you didn’t even say anything
when I accidentally dyed our pillow shams pink
...Or spray-painted your air compressor with metallic rose glitter.
...Or painted the cabinets white when you went out of town.
...Or got that expensive speeding ticket last October....
(oh wait...you did say something about that...)
Husband, dear husband, words are just not enough
to tell of our love.
Perhaps an apology for all of the errant painting...
...might begin to do it justice.

P.S. I know you’re at WalMart right now buying me chocolate. You’ve waited a bit late for that, don’t you think? I mean, Valentines Day officially started hours ago...

Oh...and while you’re there can you pick up some milk and a bottle of mouthwash? Thanks.

Love you--
steph

le boudoir (and le reality)

My husband was giving me grief the other day, threatening to create a "shadow blog" about the "real life" of Stephanie Hillberry. The life where I don't make my bed for days, and where I stay in my pajamas until noon, and where I serve queso and chips for dinner three days in a row.

I threatened to sue him for slander.
But his little joke did get me thinking about Valentines Day and romance and all the hype about being sexy.

Sexy like these ladies above and below in their slinky knickers.

Oh how I wish it was true that I really did live a life in delicate lingerie.
But this, my friends, is the life I really live about 95% of the time. I do not go to sleep and arise in satiny glamor. No...I go to bed in stretch cotton. And white athletic socks. And I wake up with disheveled hair ("disheveled" is putting it nicely) and a splotchy complexion.
Every now and then I try to modify my habits. I put on a pair of frilly shorts and try lacy panties for a few days. But eventually I always end up in the ubiquitous flesh-colored undergarments that women praise for their practicality and men lament for their serious lack of sex appeal.

(as an aside, my thesaurus actually lists "bootylicious" as THE "informal" definition of sexiness. What is the world coming to?)
But oh to be like the woman above. Even her hair is sultry. And her baby doll nightie isn't at all childish. Granted even she probably doesn't look like that when she gets up...but she certainly earns points for trying.
This, however, does not earn points. I mean, even if you could add a couple for the ruffled detail on my tank top (which is admittedly adorable), you'd have to immediately subtract them away for the excessive use of baggy gray flannel. Subtract even more for the threadbare quality of my very dated yoga pants and I'm well into the negative.
Poor, poor husband. If only I secretly wore these under my baggy gray flannel. I can only imagine the frills and the thrills.

After all, it's not like I don't own a few numbers like this, tucked away in my lingerie drawer, buried under piles of cotton panties and sports bras. I could, I suppose, pull them out for use on days that fall outside of February 14th.
It would probably even make me feel good. More ladylike. More demure and alluring. More captivating and feminine.
And less....so, so much less...like this.

Glossary of lovely knickers, courtesy of Etsy sellers:
1. french fancies in the parlour babydoll by gilda pearl
2. sassafras - altered vintage slip (xs) by which goose
3. floral cotton shorts by daileedose
4. same as #1
5. watercolor bralette set by clare bare
6. sandmaiden rayon and organic cotton jersey lacy pantie - made to measure by sandmaiden sleepwear

Pearls of Wisdom Part 2

A wise man (otherwise known as Jesus) once said "don't toss your pearls to swine."

This, I know, seems like an odd way to start a post during the season of romance (Valentine's Day is admittedly not usually associated with pigs), but knowing how to give away love is an important thing to remember this time of year.
In other words, a lady's love must be earned. She doesn't just give it away for free. Not even for a box of chocolates and a dozen roses. Not for jewelry and soft-spoken compliments. Not for diamonds. (okay...maybe really big ones...) The gift of a lady's heart requires some effort.
Now here is where the swine come in. All too often we find ourselves tempted to give away our talents and affections to those who do not properly esteem them. Like pigs, they cannot discern the difference between trash and treasure, and want only to feel the satisfaction of instant gratification.
Naturally our first thoughts might go to the obvious examples, like casual sex with strangers and long-term relationships with callous men. These pearls-to-the-swine pictures are easy to spot, and none of us would choose to toss our treasures so carelessly if we can avoid it.
But there are other, more subtle examples of this sneaky tragedy. There are those of us, for instance, who pour out our skill and talent for a boss who does not recognize or reward the effort. Others of us might sacrificially nurture the friendship of a vain and foolish girlfriend long after the relationship should have expired. And still others of us offer the precious gift of our time to husbands and children who do not reciprocate.
In short, it is all too easy for our hearts to be exploited by those who cannot (or will not) see beyond themselves.
Now, upon recognizing this error, it is often easy to pull back our affections entirely. But note that the proverb is not "don't throw your pearls...ever." Our hearts, our time, our love, our talents--we were made to give them away. To share them with others, especially those we care most about.
We just need to remember to exercise some prudence in the act of giving. As I said earlier, a lady's pearls should be earned. The people in our life who would seek to merit our hearts should not be afraid or unwilling to extend some effort. They should, through their actions and words, demonstrate that they know the difference between trash and treasure--and that they do, in fact, treasure us.
So this week, when love is in the air and pink and red adorn the town, remember the words of a wise man and offer your pearls to those who deserve them.

P.S. Aren't you loving the multi-strand necklaces in fashion these days?! They can be worn in so many different ways.... Mine pictured here--believe it or not--were snatched up from my holiday decorations. That's right--they're Christmas garland. Nobody said the pearls have to be real...

Winning the Lottery

I know that the Valentine holiday is supposed to be devoted to amorous feelings and thoughts on love. It is the season of cupid and red roses and over indulging in wine and chocolate. A time for sonnets and romantic films and candlelight dinners.
And though I am all in favor of the above rituals, today I would like to focus my attention on something a little unorthodox. Because it occurred to me while considering the above that what I know of love was not so much taught to me by the affections and attentions of men, but what I’ve learned from my mom.

Bear with me here while I explain what I mean. As a woman, to be loved in a romantic way is a gift indeed. But in order to enjoy that gift we first have to learn how to receive it. And in order to learn how to receive it, we must learn what it is to be a woman. The lessons we learn on the latter will shape the way we love and are loved for our entire lives.And this is where I feel that I won the lottery. Because my mother has been a wonderful role model for me. She taught me about strength and faith. She modeled fidelity and integrity. And she showed me how to be a lady--both in confidence and beauty.
It is partly because of her teaching that I had the security to turn down the favors of selfish suitors in my youth. And to safeguard my heart from cheap sexuality and counterfeit affection. I was equipped to choose an honest and noble man to spend my life with because she taught me that I was worth the highest caliber of men.
Now I know that not all of us are so lucky as to have moms like the one I was blessed with. Not everyone wins the lottery. But many of us do have someone special in our life that has taught us how to give and receive love. And during this week of romance and affection, it is nice to consider them too.

Thanks, mom, for being such a good teacher. Happy Valentines Day.

Who is your “lottery” prize? Your mom? Dad? A friend? A lover? Share with us by posting your comment below!

Unexpected Chivalry

I’ve been reading a lot of comments this week about chivalrous husbands and boyfriends. The kind who open doors and buy flowers and write notes.

My husband does not do any of these things. Little romantic gestures are just not in his genetic makeup. But he is a gentleman. He does give me unexpected gifts right when I need them. Like yesterday, for instance:
him: what are you up to today?
me: the usual. work. lots of work.

him: you know, you need to be careful that you don’t burn yourself out.
me: it’s too late--I’m already burned out.
him: why don’t you just take a sick day.
me: I can’t do that.

him: why not? everyone needs to take a day off every now and then.
me: well...that would be nice.
him: i know. just stay in bed. take it easy.
me: really? you think that would be okay?

him: yes. you need it. it’s okay.

And then he left for work. Three episodes of Big Love, four of Mad Men, one Project Runway, stacks of Oreo cookies, piles of lime Tostidos and two beers later...I was admittedly feeling quite refreshed.
And this morning I’m a new woman.

So thank you, Craig, for being a gentlemen in unexpected ways. Because though open doors and flowers are definitely nice, what I really needed this week was permission to take a break.

I love you--

What do you prefer for a special treat: jewelry or really tasty food? Share your thoughts here!

Glossary of treats and pretty things from Etsy:
1. Himalayan pink salt truffles - 15 pc. by vintage confections
2. humble heart earrings by charm du jour
3. white chocolate covered peppermint joe-joe's sandwich cookies valentine's by sweet tooth sweetie
4. little poppy bowl by prince design uk
5. Hand Decorated Valentines Day Heart Swirl Cookies // 1 Dozen // Individually wrapped and and packaged for gifting by bees knees creative

Black and White Valentine

Okay, okay...so I'm an Etsy Evangelist.   I just had to send this link out to show the great skill, variety, and style that many of the etsy sellers exhibit.  

Click here to read the full post, or better yet, to buy a Valentine for yourself!