Winning the Lottery

I know that the Valentine holiday is supposed to be devoted to amorous feelings and thoughts on love. It is the season of cupid and red roses and over indulging in wine and chocolate. A time for sonnets and romantic films and candlelight dinners.
And though I am all in favor of the above rituals, today I would like to focus my attention on something a little unorthodox. Because it occurred to me while considering the above that what I know of love was not so much taught to me by the affections and attentions of men, but what I’ve learned from my mom.

Bear with me here while I explain what I mean. As a woman, to be loved in a romantic way is a gift indeed. But in order to enjoy that gift we first have to learn how to receive it. And in order to learn how to receive it, we must learn what it is to be a woman. The lessons we learn on the latter will shape the way we love and are loved for our entire lives.And this is where I feel that I won the lottery. Because my mother has been a wonderful role model for me. She taught me about strength and faith. She modeled fidelity and integrity. And she showed me how to be a lady--both in confidence and beauty.
It is partly because of her teaching that I had the security to turn down the favors of selfish suitors in my youth. And to safeguard my heart from cheap sexuality and counterfeit affection. I was equipped to choose an honest and noble man to spend my life with because she taught me that I was worth the highest caliber of men.
Now I know that not all of us are so lucky as to have moms like the one I was blessed with. Not everyone wins the lottery. But many of us do have someone special in our life that has taught us how to give and receive love. And during this week of romance and affection, it is nice to consider them too.

Thanks, mom, for being such a good teacher. Happy Valentines Day.

Who is your “lottery” prize? Your mom? Dad? A friend? A lover? Share with us by posting your comment below!

A Lady's Friends...

As I mentioned on Saturday, I recently celebrated a big birthday. My thirtieth to be exact. It was a wonderful day full of friends and food and champagne.

And a visit to a bridal salon--but more on that later...
Part of my day included a lovely lunch at this trendy restaurant in a stylish Denver neighborhood. I couldn't resist snapping some photos of the decor. I loved the apple green seating, the exposed brick, and the retro lighting.
But most of all I loved the company. And this got me thinking about one of the most important aspects of being a lady: friendships. Because what is a lady, after all, without her friends and confidants? Or without her beau? Or without her mother?

In truth, our relationships say a lot about us. If we are at peace with ourselves, it tends to show through our friendships. If we nurture those manners I wrote about last week, it also shows. Peace and civility blossom into laughter and generosity and listening and love.

But if we are vain and selfish, or insecure and needy, our relationships will bear the bruise of similar deficiencies. Sarcasm replaces laughter; jealousy trumps generosity. And so on and so on.
There have certainly been times in my life when my relationships were not as abundant as I would have liked. Wrapped up in a draining career, I had little time for champagne lunches and girl's movie nights and spontaneous romantic rendezvous. As a result, I had few friends.

Looking back, I recognize that season as one of many challenges: I struggled with insecurity daily, and wrestled regularly with my confidence. I was a shadow of the lady I wanted to be.
Through some serious soul searching and a conscientious revival of my "lady-ness," though, I am happy to report that my friendships have since blossomed along with me. And now that I'm starting a new decade of life, they are the gifts I am most eager to carry ahead with me.

So thank you, friends and family, for a great weekend! I appreciate all of you! And in honor of your place in my life (and the fact that relationships tend to take center stage around Valentines Day), I'll be spending this week talking more about how important good friends are to being a lady.

The Simplest Entertainment

Blanket. Park. Food. Friends. The four ingredients needed for one of my favorite, and simplest, summer activities: picnics. Whether I’m on a staycation, or just want a break from work in the middle of the day, picnics are the easiest way to enjoy my community, eat good food (outdoors, nonetheless) and spend time with friends. And if I brown-bag my lunch, it is also one of the cheapest ways to have a good time in the summer.

Here are my tips for always being picnic ready:

* stash an old blanket or quilt in your car for impromptu outdoor dining. Nobody wants to sit on wet ground or risk grass stains on their backside--so be prepared to take your takeout outside by keeping a covering close by.

* get a picnic basket. In case you haven’t shopped for one lately, picnic baskets have gotten very fancy of late. You can find one with all the bells and whistles--separate compartments, cutlery, heating and cooling features.... Or you can just go low tech and grab a basket. Mine reminds me of Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz, and holds plenty of food for four, minus all of the fancy gadgets.

* grab a friend or two. Haven’t seen a girlfriend in ages? Catching up over a picnic lunch is a great idea! Have kids? Invite another mom for a picnic at the park with PB&J for fun and affordable entertainment (you might want to throw in some sunscreen and bandaids in your basket, too...). The more the merrier in my opinion!

* get to know your parks. Does your friend work on the opposite side of town? Scout out a good park near her office and meet up for lunch. Or just get to know your community by choosing a new park every week to visit. All the charm of kids playing and couples smooching under trees will certainly increase your appreciation for your town/city.

* follow food safety. This last tip is cautionary. Please don’t give yourself and your friends food poisoning this summer by neglecting basic food rules. So don’t forget to keep your mayo and potato salads cool and out of the sun!

I know--it’s not rocket science. But it is fun and cheap and a great way to enjoy the sun and friendships this summer.

And if you do end up taking a picnic, snap some photos and share them with me! Upload them to Retro Summer's Flickr page for everyone to see! Happy picnic-ing!

Previous Related Posts:
Staycation on Foot
Reading for Gold Stars
**Retro Summer on the web: click to read more, view calendars, photos, etc.!***

Note: would you like to be featured in the upcoming Fall series, Real Recessionistas? Click here to learn more!

Swap Meet Style

According to the Oxford Dictionary, a swap meet is “a gathering in which enthusiasts or collectors trade or exchange items of common interest.” According to the Stephanie Hillberry Dictionary (to be published soon, no doubt), a swap meet is “a good way to hang out with friends and snag cool stuff.”

I confess that I hadn’t considered the potential of swap meets until I received this April’s copy of Real Simple magazine (my replacement subscription for Domino..sniff, sniff) and read their article on hosting one. What a brilliant, Recessionista thing to do! I immediately thought.

Brilliant!
Brilliant because it is a perfect example of “relational currency” in action. Remember how I wrote a few weeks ago that sometimes our greatest resource isn’t in our wallets, but in our friends? Well, enter the swap meet.

Imagine, for instance, that you are in desperate need of a new summer dress (I mean, who isn’t?), but can’t justify the cost during this penny-pinching season. Apart from whipping one up on your sewing machine (a feat I certainly am not capable of pulling off well), you’re out of luck. Unless of course your friend’s friend just happens to be your size and has a few dresses she is willing to part with. Part with for...say...a charming set of curtains that another friend is tired of.

Bingo! You have the makings of a swap meet.

I Like It!
Yes, it is true that Macy’s wouldn’t very much like this idea (or the larger one about relational currency, for that matter), and neither would the politicians encouraging us to spend, spend, spend right now. But I like it because:
* it preserves our well-honed inclination to enjoy new things, especially when we’re feeling stressed, but...
* ...preserves it while protecting our dollars, and...
* ...does it all by connecting us to the people that we already know and love.

Cash In
Now of course I’m not suggesting that we all start exploiting our friends so that we can “cash in” on cool stuff, but I am suggesting that perhaps that thing you’ve been looking for might just be in someone else’s home and not in the store.

Of course you won’t know unless you host (or attend) a swap meet of your own.

Previous Recessionista posts:
A Wallet Full of Friends
In the Land of Small
At Least a Lighter Wallet Weighs Less

A Wallet Full of Friends

So far in my introduction of Recessionistas, I've mainly focused on things that we can tackle individually, in our homes or with our talents and skills. But a Recessionista is no island. She's well-connected, and sees her friends as her best support and ally in these times.

Easy to Drift:

I don't think this is a hard quality to sell. We tend to be social, after all. I figure it won't take much persuading to convince you that friends and family are important right now. It's making the time for these relationships that is the hard part--at least for me. Whether you work full-time, or from home like me, busyness and isolation are easy to drift into. I know because I find myself drifting all the time.

A Secret:

But there is a secret in relationships that applies directly to a recession. A secret that I think we all instinctually know but rarely hear about. The secret is this: relationships are some of the best currency we have. Sometimes they're even more valuable than real currency. True--you can't pay your mortgage in favors to a friend, or buy a new car with dinner parties, but you can do a lot. You can, for instance, barter and swap a multitude of goods and services with those you know. You can borrow instead of buy, and lend in return. You can multiply your impact, or just boost your motivation, with the help of friends. You can split costs on bulk items, or share garden real estate, or carpool. All of these examples accomplish two things: they make the recession less scary, and they save you money.

But while these things are simple, they are not easy. They do require a bit of organization, and certainly an investment in time. The investment, I speculate, is worth making. So we'll be experimenting in the weeks to come about how to gather and spend this new "currency." And I'm hoping that we'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Become an Insider:

And what's the best way to hear more about these goals and experiments? To sign up for my newsletter, debuting very soon! Enter your email address above, or click here to learn more.

Previous related posts:

Servin' up Solutions: an introduction to Recessionistas

Don't Deviate Alone

On Being a Better Friend

Only the Lonely: fighting isolation