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This past weekend I had a lovely afternoon with some friends. We had lunch and then meandered through some shops, browsing the clothing racks and trying on shoes.
(As an aside...if you are reading this and happened upon a small to-go container of fried fish next to the accessories at Charlotte Russe, I do apologize. Those would be mine. And yes--I accidentally left them there.)
And during our browsing we came across a selection of GIANT costume rings for dirt-cheap prices. Huge, gaudy, glittery rings that most normal people wouldn't consider wearing. I know because I used to be one of those normal people.
Until things started to change for me.
Let me show you what I mean. The above photo is a ring from my earlier days. Notice the delicate band and the charming heart-shaped opal stone. This is the kind of ring I once considered "my style." Small, unassuming, petite.
For many years I kept to this principle of small and simple. I saw myself as a natural Colorado girl, which often meant sandals and khaki shorts and earth tones. And my accessories matched this theme. The ring above, for instance, was a college graduation present from my family. Notice that it's a tad bigger than the golden opal, but still unassuming. I was going for low maintenance. Sporty. Effortless.
But then gradually things started to shift. I began to drift away from simple and move toward flashier styles. Like the ring above, which I received from my husband during one of our first Christmases together as a married couple.
The ring, of course, is still fairly natural. The stone is amber and it's set simply in sterling silver. I could still pull it off with shorts and sandals if I wanted to. I was getting girlier, but not too much. Not yet.
And then this happened. Christmas, 2008. Stacks and stacks of faux pearls bigger than my thumb. What happened to me, you might ask? How did I go from small and petite to this monstrosity in just a few short years?
The answers, I'm afraid, don't come easily. All I can say is that once I started dabbling in my feminine side, I couldn't stop. The older I got, the more I regressed to my childhood fantasies of elaborate rhinestone gems and princess attire. The earth tones were replaced by pink and purple. The sandals were ousted by wedges and stilettos. And the rings...well, the just kept getting bigger and bigger.
Which is what led me to purchase this GIANT adornment last Saturday for $4.00. I didn't even think twice about it. Long gone are the days of simple and petite. These are the days for Grand and Ostentatious! I am no longer that natural, Colorado girl. I am Stephanie, princess of the land.
And I can barely lift my hand to prove it to you. 
To close, the photo above illustrates perfectly the path of my evolution. Your guess is as good as mine as to where it will lead me next.
But I'd put money on more rhinestones...
note: all of these lovely images (in pink!) are from online vintage shop owner, Thrush.
Being gracious is certainly one of the attributes that I immediately thought of when I started devising the content for this series on being a lady. The term, of course, refers to kindness, politeness, and esteem.
When I think of graciousness, I immediately picture the women from Jane Austen’s novels--at least the heroines (because goodness knows there were quite a few malevolent vixens in her novels as well). They were always complimentary, seeking to be of service, ready to be kind. 
This behavior, fortunately, is not extinct. In fact, I’d wager that you are all highly gracious, or at least try to be that way most of the time.
But there is one area of graciousness that I think we as ladies often do rather poorly, and that is the art of graciously receiving from others. I hadn’t thought of this until an acquaintance and friend of mine recently brought it up. Since then, I’ve noticed this fault on numerous occasions.
What do you mean? you ask. Well, I’ll give you a scenario:
girl 1: Oh, I love your outfit today.
girl 2: Ugh...thank you...I just threw it on this morning. I feel so fat today that I hardly even care what I look like.
Sound familiar? If not, consider this scenario:
guy: Babe, you look great today. Did you do something different?
girl: What are you trying to say--that I don’t look good normally?
Is that closer to home? And how about this one:
boss: This project turned out great. You did a wonderful job.
girl: Thanks, but I can’t take the credit. So-and-so did so much of the work....It was really more of a team effort.
Do you see what I mean? We deflect esteem. We dodge favor. We pass off compliments to others. We are often self-deprecating to a fault.
So, if any of those scenarios sounded familiar to you, I’m assigning some homework, which is to practice this:
friend: Hey--you look nice today.
you: Thank you. That’s kind of you to say. 
THEN...resist the urge to: a) make a snarky comment about the size of your thighs, b) complain about how much your outfit cost, c) avert attention from yourself by talking about how fabulous someone else looks, or d) saying “well...I’m no Heidi Klum, but...”
Instead take a deep breath, and graciously receive the esteem, because that is what a lady would do.
Glossary of beautiful vintage clothing/jewelry by Thrush:
1. vintage 1970s goldtone necklace
2. pale pink box blouse
3. pale pink mini dress
4. vintage 1950s pink shimmer holiday party dress
5. bowtie secretary blouse
6. vintage 1960s holiday ruffle dress
This past weekend, while enjoying a leisurely Saturday, I encountered an old article I had stashed away featuring a select handful of fashion industry leaders. The article, titled "Women in Luxury," was something I had clipped out years ago because I found it inspiring. The women, I felt, possessed a unique blend of business savvy, strength, and femininity. 
Upon reading through the article again, I was struck by one particular statement made by Valerie Hermann at Yves Saint Laurent. She said that though she grew up in the midst of a culture of science and medicine (many of her family members are physicians), she was always attracted to an atmosphere of "quality and beauty." That's it! I thought. That is precisely what I'm attracted to! The latter part, beauty, is of course easy. I've always gravitated toward lovely places and pretty things. As for quality...well that has taken me a bit longer to appreciate.
Quality, I've come to realize, is not as easy to spot. Something can indeed be beautiful but of poor quality (think of cheap cashmere and vapid runway queens). This, I fear, is especially true in our modern world of mass-produced fashionable, convenient and "affordable" goods. "Affordable," of course, meaning "cheap"--both in price and in quality.
Now I'm not suggesting that in order to be a lady we must all start spending oodles of cash on only the finest things. Because although that would be simply wonderful, most of us can't stomach the expense. But I am saying that beauty and quality should go hand-in-hand as often as possible.
For me, this involves creating more of my own clothing, gifts, food, and home accessories using materials that are special. Like the soft yarn you see below. Or the pencil skirt I sewed last week. Or the farm-fresh milk we drink every morning from cold glass jugs. They are luxuries--little ones--that make up that "atmosphere" Hermann was referring to.
Of course, additionally it also involves combining my outside appearance with my internal character (both are always evolving and...frankly...requiring constant maintenance). I don't just want to be a beautiful person--I want to be a quality person, too. Someone who is generous and kind and patient and persevering. Someone who is not wasteful or crude.
Because good character, I suppose, is one of the best luxuries a lady can have...
What is your favorite little luxury this week? Mine is definitely the super soft merino and baby alpaca yarn that I purchased last Friday. And also perhaps those chocolates you see above, too. A girl needs her chocolate... How about you? What are you enjoying?
I was browsing through Etsy this morning with my hot tea in hand searching for some feminine inspiration to start my day, and I came upon this lovely store based in Warsaw called Couvert. The fashions and accessories from this little shop are a vision of ladyness, and thus I had to share them with you--
I was first struck by the soft and light knits, probably because so many times knits have a reputation for being bulky and unflattering (the reason you don't see celebrities wearing sweater dresses on the red carpet...). The soft draped necklace shown above, and this puffy sleeve wrap, however, both demonstrate that a quality knitted accessory can be very alluring, even when paired with simple tops.
And speaking of alluring, I couldn't resist showing you this powder pink mohair shawl. It is, in my opinion, divine. It reminds me of pink frosting and valentines, and would look smashing with denim, cotton or silk.
I dare say it would turn a few heads, which is naturally one of the perks of being a lady.
I also loved this kimono shrug, mainly because it is unique and unexpected. It is indeed a design that is timeless, and yet different enough that no one else would be wearing it to the office party or at the market on the weekend. And it would definitely take a regular Saturday outfit up a notch with almost no effort whatsoever.
This last point was one of the goals of Couvert's designer, who mentioned in her profile that she wanted her clothing to be both sophisticated and casual. What two things could be better together?
Finally, I adore this fake fur cape. This last garment is indeed a little more luxury than most of us are used to (especially those of us who hail from the perpetually casual Colorado), and therefore might draw more attention than we're comfortable with. But sometimes being a lady means stepping out of your comfort zone.
And what better way, I ask, to step out than to be dressed from head to waist in smoky slate fur? I can hardly think of one...
Hope you have a feminine and fashionable Tuesday!
Glossary of Couvert's styles, from top to bottom:
1. Avant Garde Scarf, modern romantic, in light blue
2. Silver Frost Shrug with Puffed Sleeves
3. Delicate Pastel Powder Pink Mohair Shawl
4. Casual Couture Kimono in Deep Vanilla
5. Avant Garde Cape Coat Fake Fur in Slate
Few people demonstrate the art of being a lady like Audrey Hepburn, and so when I was preparing for this series, I naturally decided to pull out my copy of Breakfast at Tiffanys and take a few notes.
And thus here is what I've learned from a master:
#1: Big hats will Always cover up bedhead and bad hair days with none the wiser. 
#2: And big sunglasses will hide bags under the eyes and a sour attitude. Plus--like mascara--they never go out of style.
#3: Ladies need unexpected skills, like waxing poetically with a guitar on a warm evening so that gorgeous neighbors are drawn to the window ledge to hear the melody...
And as an aside, ladies look lovely even with towels on their heads, although perhaps we should all leave that one for Audrey.
#4: Ladies Do Not sleep in hobo sleepwear (ahem...you know what I'm referring to...), and even their ear plugs have jeweled dangles.
I would, for the record, really like to know where I could get my hands on a set of ear plugs like that. Anyone? Tips? Thoughts?
#5: Ladies are skilled in the advanced art of twisting their hair magically on top of their head and securing it with invisible aids.
It might require a little practice...
#6: Ladies have fabulous coats for all occasions, which can cleverly hide even the frumpiest of gym wear and old collegiate sweatshirts. And ladies get bonus points for hiding post-workout ponytails discreetly under chic hats, too. (Although, for the record, ladies Do Not get points for wearing their sneakers with this get-up. It would ruin the whole look! Consider yourself warned.)
#7: Ladies knit. Need I say more?
#8: Ladies are not afraid to waltz down the street wearing formal attire on a weekday afternoon...
...wearing elbow-high gloves
...and a jeweled tiara.
#9: Ladies look put together even for an evening of lounging around at home in a sweater and pants, although perhaps you might prefer a real sofa to a bathtub--but we won't judge Audrey on that tiny discrepancy. 
#10: Ladies even look good in their bathrobes, although there might be some leniency on this one. We can't all be Audreys 24 hours a day, for crying out loud! (note: please, oh please, where can I find a sparkly gold telephone like that?)
#11: Ladies Always eat breakfast, because it is, after all, the most important meal of the day.
#12: And finally, my most favorite lesson of all: pink dresses with matching pink trench coats are perfect for everyday--just don't forget the giant pink tiara.
She's a girl after my own heart...
Happy Wednesday!
love steph
I’m fairly sure that my obsession with Jane Austen is to blame for my ever mounting pursuit of femininity, because I have not always been so girlishly inclined. In fact, I used to fancy myself to be a bit of a tomboy (although this might have been a delusion considering that I was a “tomboy” with long hair and painted fingernails...). And I scorned the notion of being high maintenance or bearing any appearances of prissiness. 
But beneath my thinly veiled scorn was, in fact, a hidden fondness for ball gowns and french twists and rhinestones. A hidden fondness that started to grow in my twenties, no doubt spurred on by the aforementioned affection for Austen novels and their fantastically feminine (and yet also strong and virtuous) heroines. 
And so to ring in the new year, I thought I would just quit all of the pretense and make it official: I want to be a lady. I want pencil skirts and finger curls and thick false eyelashes. I want cocktail hours and tea times and slightly garish costume jewelry. And I want style and grace and all those feminine wiles made famous by Victorian literature and timeless sonnets.
Of course, lady-ness is not all vapid. I’d also like to be, in the words of Darcy, “truly accomplished”--skilled in music and culture, language and thought. And naturally strong in character and charity, too. Lizzy Bennet, after all, was no priss. She had some serious fortitude tucked beneath her corset.
So, for the next several weeks, I invite you to join me in my often frivolous and yet also occasionally substantive pursuit...
...of being a lady.
