a Little Sparkle for your Morning...

Not so long ago, when I was in my early twenties, I spent some time in counseling working through the garden variety issues that come with the “coming-of-age” angst. And among the many things that I remember my therapist saying to me, one of them has always stood out. Stood out because it perpetually annoyed me. She used to say--and say often--”now remember, Stephanie, you’re a human Being, not a human Doing.”Now this “human being not doing” saying is fine to ponder on quiet walks and during deep discussions, but as I mentioned, it always annoyed me. Annoyed me because...well...it’s just not that practical. The truth is that what I Do is a big part of who I am. Transcendent self-awareness aside, I can’t very well spend my days just “being.” My husband, for one, would probably not appreciate my “being” when--say--a huge stack of dishes needed some devoted “doing.”

What I’m trying to say, in a nutshell, is that frankly I have too much to do to concentrate on just being.
And so it was with a familiar task-oriented mind that I took another “reflective walk” yesterday morning. The beauty of a clear, chilled, snow-covered prairie had certainly made an impression on me, but not quite enough to press out from my mind the mountain of things waiting for me at home.

And then I came across some tall grasses. I had passed them already on the first leg of the walk without notice, but upon coming back they caught my eye. Caught it because they were dazzling. On top of their generic stalks were these magnificent crystal clusters, sparkling radiantly in the morning sun. It was like the whole prairie was covered in diamonds--decked in splendor for no particular reason on a boring Monday morning.
As I stopped to snap some photos (that regrettably did not turn out), it occurred to me that these shining gems were not practical at all. They were just beautiful. Granted prairie grasses aren’t normally troubled by the mounting to-do lists that we humans lug around from day to day, and therefore have more leisure to be unexpectedly lovely, but still...
...Still they reminded me of those annoying counseling sessions and how my therapist always felt the need to prod me Away from all my earnest doing. And while her attempts, and mine, are generally futile most of the time, every once and awhile I remember that beauty is at least as important as efficiency and to-do lists.

And so, under the influence of my co-conspirators (the therapist and the prairie), I've concluded that a little sparkle is good for me every now and then. It won't make my to-list go away, but it reminds me that efficiency isn't always the healthiest habit for me. Diamonds, however, are healthy indeed.

Now if only I could successfully convince my husband of this fact...

A Reflective Walk

 

In the spirit of yesterday's recentering, I decided that today I would do something I haven't done in a very long time, which was to walk one of my favorite trails.

It was probably the best decision I've made all winter.  The air was so refreshing and the dark gray clouds of a cold front rolling in set an almost magical quality to the skyline.  My soul must have desperately needed the openness--the feel of chilled wind on my face--because I felt like I was drinking in freshness.

 

This feeling of freshness is a bit ironic considering the last time I was on this trail.  The truth is that I haven't walked here in almost exactly a year.  I remember the last time like it was yesterday.  I had just finished up an appointment with my doctor where she explained ever so plainly [I'm paraphrasing now] that my husband and I had better chances of winning the lottery than conceiving a child.  

It was news, you can imagine, that has profoundly impacted the last year of my life.  And it was news that was anything but fresh.

 

I mention this for a number of reasons.  One is that a lady is equal parts elusive and vulnerable.  And today I'm practicing the latter.  And two is that it is an important part of my story.

And that story is one of a long season of dormancy.  Like the grasses and trees from these photos taken on my walk, I have spent the past 2+ years resembling a barren prairie.  Oh yes...I know that this lovely blog has begun to show the pale pink of bloom, but it has taken many, many months to get here.

 

And really what you see now are just the early buds--a hopeful promise of what is to come.  Many of my dreams for this little online space are yet to blossom--still waiting for their figurative spring.

 

And also waiting for figurative spring is my family--my chance to be a mother as well as a wife and writer and creator of pretty things.  This endeavor I'm afraid I have less control over, but it is a piece of my heart nevertheless.  And it encourages me that one year later, on this very trail, I was able to feel freshness and openness instead of the crushing weight of sorrow that I felt when last I tread here.

So, I suppose my first 24 hours of "freshening up" for a new season have been fresh indeed.  So fresh, in fact, that I've made a decision to return to this trail as often as I can during the next several weeks.  Because I want to witness day-by-day what it is like to come out of dormancy.

And maybe I'll see it happen for me, too.

On Being a(n Adventurous) Lady

note: I've started to invite some of my readers to contribute their thoughts, stories, creations, and inspiration to my daily posts.

And so, without further adieu, please welcome kerri...
"Women are creatures of habit. We create routines and schedules and pride ourselves in our ability to keep them. I’m not sure if this is a quality of a lady, though. Spontaneity is more apt for a lady; she is always seeking to meet new people, try new things and to improve herself constantly. Habit does not encourage these things. But adventure always does.
"Take, for instance, Lizzie Bennett from Austen's Pride and Prejudice. She never settled. She constantly did uncomfortable things, in pursuit of something more. Be it a long holiday in the country or a visit to people far “above” her station, Lizzie didn’t hesitate to test her boundaries or put limits on sharing her opinion and being herself. I would call her adventurous, to say the least.
"I, however, am not adventurous. While I love challenges, I don’t often find myself seeking them out. When I do, the rewards are greater than I ever imagined. But I constantly hold back. And I’m not alone. Why? Because where we seek adventure or a challenge, we understand failure as a potential outcome. Fear of failure clouds other possibilities, like success or happiness or confidence.
"Enter snowshoeing. It was something I had never done, nor had my friend Amy. We made a plan, last minute enough to not be able to change our minds. I’m not sure about Amy, but I knew if I had too much time to think about it, I’d come up with any number of excuses to not go. But we went. It was hard starting out (I fell at the very beginning of the trail – why should I have actually paid attention to how to keep those things attached to my feet?); I was positive that by the first stop on the trail I’d be ready to turn around.
"Breathing hard (but trying to hide it from Amy, as she was trying to do the same), I made myself find a rhythm. About 20 minutes in, it just clicked. My blood was pumping, my lungs were filling with clear air, (my armpits may have been sweating profusely), and I felt awesome. "Natural high" became a phrase I understood. Amy and I made the whole hike, wind and all, and got to see beautiful vistas that made the sweat and burning lungs worth it.
"I’m a blog-lover but I’ve never been a blogger, probably because I see it the same way as I saw snowshoeing. So when Stephanie asked me to be a guest writer, I was intimidated (I’m sweating as I write this – could this be a theme?). I have visions of people scoffing at what I think are compelling ideas and NOT laughing at my jokes (pulse check). Oh gosh! But I know I’m not alone; I know you share similar fears to mine.

So here’s to Lizzie Bennett! And here’s to you--and me--trying new adventures.

It's what ladies do."

Interested in being a guest writer? Email me at shillberry@stephaniehillerry.com for details!

photos courtesy of kerri, taken on her snowshoeing trip.

a Post on Post

Just a little something silly for your Thursday...
Advice to four pop queens, from the master of etiquette herself, Emily Post.
What etiquette advice would you dish out to a current celebrity? Share your thoughts below!

Gentlemen

note: all images are from Scott Schuman, author of the popular blog, The Sartorialist
I just recently started reading The Sartorialist and have fallen in love. The photos...the fashion...the enchanting foreign cities...
And though there are many beautiful and elegant women featured on the blog, my unexpected favorite images are those of regal gentlemen like the ones pictured above and below.

Perhaps I am drawn to them because gentlemen are so hard to find in this day and age. I do not mean to be excessively critical of men (gentlewomen are difficult to spot as well) because I think we've all gotten into the terrible habit of being too busy for polite civility.
Apparently I am not the only one to notice how important good manners are in society. In fact, the author of The Sartorialist just posted some elegant prose on the subject of grace and modern manners, and I would be remiss if I did not direct you all to his blog to read it.
His words are brief but poignant (as well as the comments of other readers), and fit so nicely into the subject of being gracious. I'll be mulling over them all day, I'm sure, and will most likely have more to say on the topic of ladies and gentlemen in the days to come.

But for now I encourage you to head over to the Sartorialist for a refreshing read about manners (and a glimpse at lovely fashion as well).

happy Tuesday!--steph

Gracious

note: all of these lovely images (in pink!) are from online vintage shop owner, Thrush.
Being gracious is certainly one of the attributes that I immediately thought of when I started devising the content for this series on being a lady. The term, of course, refers to kindness, politeness, and esteem.

When I think of graciousness, I immediately picture the women from Jane Austen’s novels--at least the heroines (because goodness knows there were quite a few malevolent vixens in her novels as well). They were always complimentary, seeking to be of service, ready to be kind.
This behavior, fortunately, is not extinct. In fact, I’d wager that you are all highly gracious, or at least try to be that way most of the time.

But there is one area of graciousness that I think we as ladies often do rather poorly, and that is the art of graciously receiving from others. I hadn’t thought of this until an acquaintance and friend of mine recently brought it up. Since then, I’ve noticed this fault on numerous occasions.What do you mean? you ask. Well, I’ll give you a scenario:

girl 1: Oh, I love your outfit today.
girl 2: Ugh...thank you...I just threw it on this morning. I feel so fat today that I hardly even care what I look like.
Sound familiar? If not, consider this scenario:

guy: Babe, you look great today. Did you do something different?
girl: What are you trying to say--that I don’t look good normally?

Is that closer to home? And how about this one:

boss: This project turned out great. You did a wonderful job.
girl: Thanks, but I can’t take the credit. So-and-so did so much of the work....It was really more of a team effort.
Do you see what I mean? We deflect esteem. We dodge favor. We pass off compliments to others. We are often self-deprecating to a fault.

So, if any of those scenarios sounded familiar to you, I’m assigning some homework, which is to practice this:

friend: Hey--you look nice today.
you: Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.
THEN...resist the urge to: a) make a snarky comment about the size of your thighs, b) complain about how much your outfit cost, c) avert attention from yourself by talking about how fabulous someone else looks, or d) saying “well...I’m no Heidi Klum, but...”

Instead take a deep breath, and graciously receive the esteem, because that is what a lady would do.

Glossary of beautiful vintage clothing/jewelry by Thrush:
1. vintage 1970s goldtone necklace
2. pale pink box blouse
3. pale pink mini dress
4. vintage 1950s pink shimmer holiday party dress
5. bowtie secretary blouse
6. vintage 1960s holiday ruffle dress

Radiance

Now that we’re into this series on being a lady, I want to drive home an important point: I like being a lady. I think it’s fun. I enjoy the pretty things--the sparkles, the hairstyles, the dresses. I’ve liked these things since I was a little girl, twirling around the living room in my skirt and plastic costume jewelry.
I do not--and this is important, so pay attention--do it because I feel like I have to. I couldn’t give a damn about what the culture expects from me, or how women are supposed to be, or what is the latest trendy thing. I am a lady because I want to be.
I bring this up because the last thing I want, dear readers, is for you to think that you have to be someone you’re not in order to be a lady. Femininity is above all things about inner confidence. It resonates from your spirit--not your wardrobe or your home or your perfectly manicured nails. Yes, I’d prefer it if all of us forever banished our sweats to the recesses of our drawers, never to be shown in the light of public again...but if sweat pants make your inner beauty shine, than by all means--wear them with zeal.
It is true that in my experience, there is something special about cultivating beauty in our lives, even if it is as simple as applying lip gloss before we head out to run errands. I won’t speak for you, but the small feminine touches in my day help give me life. A mundane afternoon full of boring chores somehow seems less burdensome when I’m wearing pink patent leather peep toe pumps. But the key point is that those patent leather pumps invigorate my spirit. They make me stand just a little bit taller. They make me radiate a little more warmth.
This inner radiance is what I’m after, and what I hope you are after too. To be a lady is to radiate, so find what makes you shine, and then find a way to add it to your life every day.

By the way--aren't these jewelry pieces fabulous? I love amethyst (and yes--the fact that it is my birthstone might have something to do with it...), don't you? Which one is your favorite? I'm having a hard time picking, but I'd have to say the purple ring, because I LOVE rings. What about you?

Glossary of images, all handmade by jewelers on Etsy!
1. princess amethyst ring by jalcyme moonlight jewelry
2. adventurine and amethyst stone necklace by molly the pirate
3. amethyst vintage hearts by lily leigh's vintage to modern jewelry
4. amethyst triple strand necklace by piedra studio
5. gray moonstone, rose quartz and amethyst sterling silver bracelet by mf jewellry designs

Swept Up

I think I was destined for fancy hairdos. My mother, after all, is a Texan. And Texas, as many of you might know, is a place where hair is big. And not just "big" as in "important, but also "big" as in BIG. They don't do the "messy bun" in Texas. Or the "stringy straight." Or anything mousy. They DO hair. Even their tousled looks are painstakingly intentional.
Now, doing hair is not something I've always done. Because contrary to my mother, I was born and raised in Colorado, where ponytails are more commonplace than Starbucks. I have spent many, many years without either hairdryers or bobbypins, preferring to wash and go. All that fancy coif-ing was too much work for my taste.
But then I made an important discovery. As it turns out, pulling off an upsweep like this one is not really hard. Not hard at all. All it takes is some curl, a comb, some pins, and hairspray. A little teasing and a few twists and Voila!--hair that looks like it took effort.
The nice thing about wearing updo's like this is that you can wear practically anything and still look elegant. There's just something feminine about tendrils hanging softly around the nape of a neck, or sweeping past the ears. I don't care if you're wearing a gray cotton t-shirt and some jeans--you'll still look like a lady.
Now I will admit that certain hair-types are more favorable for upsweeps like this. Mine is long and fine, which makes drying and curling a cinch. But there is a whole universe of lovely styles that exist beyond the realm of the ponytail, and certainly there is one for every type of hair--including yours.

And though I won't be exploring all of them during this series, I will be practicing a few. So stick around to see more hair trials, coming soon!

Before I go...I am curious--what is your favorite hair era? The 80's crimp? The 70's feathered look? The fingercurls of the 40's? The high ponytail of the 50's? Share your thoughts with me here!

Happy Monday!

Missing Dress Up

When I was a little girl, there were few things I enjoyed more than the clippty-clop of my mother's black patent leather peep toe pumps on the linoleum floor. I would put them on (along with my Strawberry Shortcake outfit, naturally) and prance around the kitchen pretending to be a lady. Accompanying my shoes might be a large vintage leather handbag that was undoubtedly picked up at the thrift store, or a string of plastic beads that I treasured like gems.
I would spend day after day adorned in such garb, playing make-believe with my sister on cold winter days. We were exotic ladies, or princesses, or abandoned orphans who had stumbled upon hidden fortune.

And yet somewhere between those dress-up days and my adulthood, I lost those girlish ways. I started playing sports and wearing denim and focusing on my studies and my more "modern" and "practical" hobbies.
And then at some point coinciding with my coming of age, dress-up became an exercise in being sexy and seductive rather than being a lady. On a cultural level, "princess" morphed into "kitten" or "temptress" or "diva." And although I was never too comfy in skimpy attire, the message was quite clear: dressing up is primarily for luring the opposite sex--a necessity of modern courtship.
And thus it stood to reason that once the man is caught, there is no more need for dressing up at all. Women, after all, don't browse the grocery aisles in dresses and pearls and heels anymore. We have long since thrown off the burden of those expectations, replacing them with the carefree convenience of fleece and clogs. Apart from the occasional dinner party, our "dress up" clothes are resigned to the back of the closet behind stacks of weekend casual wear and business professional attire.
But truth be told, I miss those dress up days. There was something magical about my mother's patent leather heels, and the way my plastic beads caught the light. I felt...special...wearing them. Unburdened by the constraints of practicality and the pressure of seduction, I was free to just be girly. And it was fun.

And so it is probably fair to say that I am shamelessly trying to recapture a bit of that innocence with my current pursuit of ladyness. And if wearing peep toe pumps just to hear their sound on the kitchen floor can make me feel special, well count me in. I could use a little more dress up in my life.

Glossary of shoes, all from Etsy sellers:
1. taupe silk heel hand painted by the painted sole
2. Giuseppe Zanotti tortoise heel by modern antoinette
3. pink shoes for supergirls by ringla shoes
4. circus b’zerkus handmade platform pumps by zerkahloostrah handmade shoes
5. rainy day doodles hand painted heels by crafttastrophe

A Good Wrap

Now that we are almost through the first week of this series on being a lady, I thought I would address a common concern: the ubiquitous time crunch. It is true that at times the idea of being ladylike can feel exhausting.
It is for this reason that I genuinely appreciate having a few tricks--like large sunglasses (thank you, Audrey, for the idea). And scarves.
The reality is that there are days when you just feel like wearing baggy jeans and cotton t-shirts. Days when even lipgloss seems like too much effort. You know the days I'm referring to: Saturday morning bagel and coffee runs, late night ice cream jaunts to the convenience store...any of the days requiring Midol.
It is on these days that I appreciate a good scarf. Soft, colorful, with perhaps a little embellishment. There is something very je ne sais quoi about a good wrap. It can add some flourish to your cotton tee, and spruce up even the baggiest of pants (although please, please do not wear sleepwear out in public--not even pashmina can atone for that error).
A good wrap, frankly, is something every lady should have in her fashion repertoire.

And as a final note...when I say "wrap," I Do Not mean a Snuggie. Yes, I realize that they do, technically, wrap around you, but shapeless ultraviolet fleece is not exactly what I have in mind for ladies. So please save your snuggies for the sofa, and consider a scarf for your outings instead.

And with that, I bid you adieu! Happy Friday!
--steph