Easter Eggs from the Glossies

During my "research" for this new series on je ne sais quoi, I decided to consult some popular fashion magazines for their take on femininity. And naturally I came across the usual far-fetched images that fashion designers seem to think we women will relate to.

And so, for some fun, I thought I would make some "Easter eggs" out of a few hand-picked goodies....
Ah...Julianne. So lovely. So elegant. And yet...what is that I see? Is that a bird sitting on her hand while she's looking so sultry? Why yes--yes it is.

I tell you--there's nothing like a bird on a pretty lady to make me want to run out and purchase an expensive handbag! They sure know how to push my buttons!
Ahem--now for the second girl. First, I suppose I'll give her the feathered fan. It's fun, if not a bit of an unconventional accessory to be carting around with her gray hoodie. But seriously--are we supposed to believe that she absentmindedly forgot her shirt? That she's ever-so-casually just walking around with her giant feathered fan and her hoodie draped across her one shoulder?

Why...that's just preposterous! Who would do that? No one--that's who.
Ahhh--so, so many things to comment about on this one:

...The enormous, frizzy pink hair that looks an awful lot like cotton candy (and I was just thinking this morning about how I wish I could get my hair to look like carnival food--)

...the marshmallow-peep bird (again with the birds! Am I missing something?)

..and the neon signs screaming "Smell Me!"

Honey--I'm pretty sure you don't need neon to get attention. I think you should just try to calm down.
Isn't it every woman's fantasy to have a curly-headed boy standing in the street blowing petals into the air without care while wearing a teal t-shirt and a darling vest?

What was that? Oh...it's not your fantasy? Hmmm...I guess I'm wrong.

Please note that my husband would rather have his toenails slowly pulled out by terrorists than to be spotted around town wearing the look above and in possession of petals.
And finally, the piece de resistance. What whimsical fairy have we stumbled upon here? The blank, phantom look. The lifeless eyes. The floating limbs.

Could someone Please help this poor girl who seems to be harassed into dazed submission by what I can only assume is her extra-long hair accessory?! Because really--she's starting to look ridiculous.

Disclaimer: please do not make the false conclusion that je ne sais quoi has anything to do with the images above. If so, I'm afraid I have failed you after just the first week...

Happy Friday everyone!
--steph