Friday, February 13, 2009

A Procrastinator's Guide to Valentines Day

Well, it's Friday and the subject of budgeting just doesn't seem that alluring to me the day before the weekend.  Although truth be told, it's probably a good time to talk about it since I always tend to spend more money on the weekends.

My guess, though, is that you aren't thinking about budgeting either.  So, in lieu of money talk, I thought I'd share my Procrastinator's Guide to Valentines Day.  
Warning: it may not apply to newlyweds or those otherwise enmeshed in goober-y love.  
It goes as follows:

1.  Wake up the day before said Cupid Day, taking time to roll your eyes at the cheesy cherub-with-flapping-wings graphic on the local weather forecast, and lament the birth of the person who conjured up this blasted holiday!
2.  Realize shortly thereafter that you have less than 24 hours to convince your significant other that you really do love them, even if it is a forced, Hallmark-induced display.
3.  Begin brainstorming sentiment ideas--cute card?  candies?  lingerie?
4.  Painstakingly try to remember what you did last year to no avail.  Obviously it made a lasting impression on you...
5.  Get ready for your day, and between important tasks, dash out to the stores to find the perfect love token of affection.
6.  Wander the crowded card aisles covered in a vomit of pink and red and try to read over the shoulders of other Valentine procrastinators also earnestly searching for last-minute sonnets.  
7.  Eventually select a card, and wander the aisles for inspiration.  Finding none, grab the closest negligee, pray it fits, and head for the door.
8.  As evening dawns, proudly present your Valentine package, pretending that you've had it thoughtfully oozing romance under your bed for weeks.
9.  Allude to obligatory bedroom activities even though you are tired, not in the mood, and fighting violent thoughts about that fat-baby, Cupid.
10.  Well...I'm not sharing the rest.  You get the idea.  Eventually go to sleep and wake up one day closer to doing it all again.

Happy Valentines Day!

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