a Little Sparkle for your Morning...

Not so long ago, when I was in my early twenties, I spent some time in counseling working through the garden variety issues that come with the “coming-of-age” angst. And among the many things that I remember my therapist saying to me, one of them has always stood out. Stood out because it perpetually annoyed me. She used to say--and say often--”now remember, Stephanie, you’re a human Being, not a human Doing.”Now this “human being not doing” saying is fine to ponder on quiet walks and during deep discussions, but as I mentioned, it always annoyed me. Annoyed me because...well...it’s just not that practical. The truth is that what I Do is a big part of who I am. Transcendent self-awareness aside, I can’t very well spend my days just “being.” My husband, for one, would probably not appreciate my “being” when--say--a huge stack of dishes needed some devoted “doing.”

What I’m trying to say, in a nutshell, is that frankly I have too much to do to concentrate on just being.
And so it was with a familiar task-oriented mind that I took another “reflective walk” yesterday morning. The beauty of a clear, chilled, snow-covered prairie had certainly made an impression on me, but not quite enough to press out from my mind the mountain of things waiting for me at home.

And then I came across some tall grasses. I had passed them already on the first leg of the walk without notice, but upon coming back they caught my eye. Caught it because they were dazzling. On top of their generic stalks were these magnificent crystal clusters, sparkling radiantly in the morning sun. It was like the whole prairie was covered in diamonds--decked in splendor for no particular reason on a boring Monday morning.
As I stopped to snap some photos (that regrettably did not turn out), it occurred to me that these shining gems were not practical at all. They were just beautiful. Granted prairie grasses aren’t normally troubled by the mounting to-do lists that we humans lug around from day to day, and therefore have more leisure to be unexpectedly lovely, but still...
...Still they reminded me of those annoying counseling sessions and how my therapist always felt the need to prod me Away from all my earnest doing. And while her attempts, and mine, are generally futile most of the time, every once and awhile I remember that beauty is at least as important as efficiency and to-do lists.

And so, under the influence of my co-conspirators (the therapist and the prairie), I've concluded that a little sparkle is good for me every now and then. It won't make my to-list go away, but it reminds me that efficiency isn't always the healthiest habit for me. Diamonds, however, are healthy indeed.

Now if only I could successfully convince my husband of this fact...

Interuptions on Being a Lady

I had a post all prepared for today's "On Being a Lady" series. It was about wearing jewelry...
Personally I'm a big fan of giant rings. The bigger the better. Layered on one finger.

Basically I want to have trouble lifting my hand.
And yes, I know it is a pain sometimes to put on the gems. Those extra two minutes in the morning can be precious time spent otherwise.
Like, say, spending it with him.
Or him.
So, sorry gold necklace...I know that you would look oh so lovely hanging from my ladylike neck, but right now I have other important things to do.

You understand.

Come back tomorrow to read about my favorite winter accessory--and no, it's not a Snuggie.

Being & Doing: reflections on a Monday morning

After almost two years of blogging, Monday mornings still give me pause. I wake up like most people thinking of the work week ahead--the projects I need to do, the appointments I have, the leftover tasks I didn’t finish from the previous week. And during this quick mental survey of the days ahead, I can’t help but think about the Monday mornings of my past--the ones when I woke up and dreaded the week ahead. On those days I didn’t want to get out of bed. My to-do list held no interest for me. My appointments were void of purpose. My leftover tasks felt like heavy weights on my shoulders.



Those were difficult Mondays.

Fortunately my weekly kick-offs have since improved. And the improvement began with a simple question: who do I want to be? Part of the answer--as you might guess--was that I wanted to be someone who enjoyed Monday mornings.



I find it interesting that we ask children “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and expect them to answer with what they want to do. Because being and doing are not the same thing. Two years ago, for instance, I was doing the expected full-time career, but I wasn’t being who I wanted to be.



I bring this all up because a) it is Monday, and b) originality begins with “who do you want to be?” My answer to the question--a creative entrepreneur/mom/wife/leader--was what led me to overhaul my cookie-cutter life in pursuit of something different. It is what led me here, to all of you.

Originality, then, is not something to do. Yes, there are plenty of original things we can do--many of them I write about here. But fundamentally I want to Be an Original. And that is what we’re going to gab about for the rest of this week. So stick around to hear more...and I hope you enjoy your Monday.

To read more about my "lifestyle makeover," click here.

Cooking Mania, and why it's helping me become more Intentional

Check out my fridge (right) after I went grocery shopping for my "cooking extravaganza," and before the cooking began.  Can you believe I cooked it All?!

I mentioned to a few of my friends and family that I spent most of the Thursday cooking 30+ meals and freezing them for the months to come.  And they universally replied with one question: why?

"Because I felt like it" seems like kind of a lame answer, even though that is partially the truth.  "Because it is a domestic experiment" is also partially true.  But the real intention behind it is...well...intention.

I've been writing a lot about the concept of intention during this fall.  I didn't intend to dwell on it so much when I started my "back to the basics" challenge, but somehow it keeps coming up.  As I've explored new ways to get organized, and tackled unflattering chores, it has become clear to me that besides the immediate benefits of order and sanity, this notion of intentionality has become the common thread.

So what do I mean when I say "intentional?"  I guess I mean that I want to practice mindfulness.  And when I say "practice mindfulness," I mean that I want to make sure I'm taking the time to turn off the "auto pilot" (aka consumerism, conformity, culture) and really think about what I'm doing.  Especially as it relates to my resources--my money, my time, my home, my health.  And the goal of this intention?  To be responsible with these resources--to decrease waste, save money, and increase health.

So how does intentionality apply to my crazy day of cooking?  Well, in a number of ways, I suppose.  First, it is one of the few times when I've purchased a lot of groceries and actually used them to good purpose, rather than let them go to waste.  Two, having "supplies on hand" (aka frozen meals) dampens my desire to eat impulsively, which by default keeps me eating healthier and saves me money.  Three, I'm better prepared to weather the unexpected by having food stored up (assuming, of course, the unexpected doesn't include an electrical failure!).  

Naturally I went to the extreme in my experiment.  I have a tendency of doing that.  Fortunately for me, though, the principles apply on a smaller scale (say 10 meals rather than 30!).  And beyond food, the principles of intentionality and mindfulness can be applied almost everywhere.  Rather unexpectedly, this application has become my new goal.  

Who would have thought my domestic to-do list would have led to that?

Stay tuned later today to read Heather Davis' (from Pink and White Design) story--She's this week's Marketplace Maven!

Take it From Me: what to avoid when trying to spend less

By now you may have recognized that perhaps I do not always exercise the most common sense when it comes to spending less.  Take it from me, here are five tips about what to avoid, all gleaned from some of my recent posts:

1.  Do not stop by Barnes and Noble because it's "on your way home" and then proceed to wander the aisles for half an hour. You will be tempted by a thousand wonderful books.  You will spend money.

2.  Do not watch infomercials at 1:00 a.m. because "there is nothing else on."  Of course there is something else on.  Watch National Geographic or CSPAN.  Then you will not be tempted by celebrity testimonials for overpriced and yet fabulous beauty products promising miracles.  And you will avoid any extraneous "member of the month club" subscriptions that you will forget to cancel later, thus resulting in an unexpected charge to your credit card.

3.  Do not--I repeat--Do not review any catalogs mailed to you by your favorite retailers.  They will suck you in and you might be tempted to drop whatever it is that you are doing to rush out to the store and purchase the latest and greatest mass-produced discount item.  Just throw those cleverly designed printed delights away and never look back.

4.  Do not eat Snickers and string cheese for lunch.  (I know...it's not a financial pitfall.  But still--take it from me: don't do it.)

5.  Do not log onto Mint.com and discover that you are in fact spending just a little less than the average person living in your state and thereby decide that it wouldn't be so bad after all to buy those new shoes you've been thinking of, and then proceed to use that reasoning with your husband.  He will not appreciate your logic, and will start paying close attention to your footwear.

Consider yourself warned.  

Send me your "take it from me" tips to avoiding impulsive spending by emailing me at shillberry@comcast.net!  

Flunking Home "Work"

So I told my husband the other day about my yearly meal plan idea.  He said I was a weirdo.  That was his exact word: weirdo.  Apparently saving meal plans seems silly to him.  Of course, eating a diet of tortillas and cheese seems silly to me.  But I digress...

After a week and a half of trying to get into domestic shape, I have to confess that I am doing fairly badly.  I procrastinated my grocery shopping, thus resulting in Taco Bell and cupcakes for dinner.  My bathroom sink is covered in toothpaste goo.  And there's an unattractive smell coming from my garbage disposal.

Part of me thinks, who cares?  So what if my house is dirty and we had Taco Bell.  Domestic perfection is an antiquated goal--not for someone with a college degree and her own business.  Modern girls can't be bothered with the petty housekeeping standards of the 1950's.  We've been liberated from all of that!

And of course I'd be right.  Our culture doesn't measure successfulness based on shiny bathroom sinks and meal plans, nor should we.  

But...(you knew I'd throw in a "but") there are a few negative consequences from my recent days of domestic malaise.  One is that I spent a lot more money than I would have if I just made and stuck to a plan.  How? you ask.  Well, running out to grab fast food every day is probably the most financially wasteful way we can eat.  Plus it's really bad for you.  Also, my sink is just gross. 

In other words, not having a plan (or not sticking to one) on the homefront makes me feel like a pretty bad steward of my resources.  Kind of wasteful and unappreciative with what I have.  So the truth is that while I don't feel convicted about my domestic shortcomings because I'm striving for some arbitrary household perfection, I do feel convicted for being a bad steward.  

Kind of makes me want to try harder.

P.S. Just for fun, check out this link, "shiny sinks 101" by the Fly Lady.  Perhaps I should heed her advice and stage an intervention in my bathroom.

"I'm Rooted"

I've been staring at my computer screen for at least half an hour, trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.  You see, I'm writing a short essay on community leadership for my website.  The plan is to add it as part of the "I'm Rooted" campaign.  Sort of a treatise on being a woman who wants to use her skills to lead in her neighborhood, town, or circle.  And though I haven't exactly figured out how to write the essay yet, I do know the attributes of this type of woman--a "rooted" woman.  

In my mind, a "rooted" woman has decided to anchor herself deep in her surroundings, be it her block, her apartment complex, her town, or beyond.  She feels that there are troubles in the world, and that the best place to dig in and rebuild is right where she's standing.  So, with that in mind, she is:

* mindful of her resources, meaning that she doesn't take them for granted, and uses them wisely.  She's smart with her money.  She tries not to waste.  She preserves and conserves and shares with others.  

* creative with the economy, meaning that she supports entrepreneurial endeavors, favors small and relational to big and impersonal, and partners with her friends and family to encourage a "living" that everyone benefits from.

* ready to help, meaning that she is prepared for the inevitable.  Prepared for sickness, emergencies, and discouragement.  She knows her neighbors and friends, and is willing to serve them when needed.  She understands that having a good "social safety net" starts with her.

* knowledgeable about the world around her, meaning that she is well-informed about local, national and global events.  She uses this knowledge to give her wisdom about how to act, and lives appropriately in the times based on what she learns.

This kind of woman is certainly not some exotic creature.  She lives among us even now, probably in great number.  Though I am not quite a "rooted" woman yet, I aim to be one, and get closer to it with each passing day.  It is one of the reasons that I quit working in corporate America--because for me (and this is not the case for everyone), to be rooted meant that I had to get out of the rat race and into my community.  

I'm going to be spending the rest of the week talking more about being "rooted," and hope that you'll come back to read more.  I also know that you might very well be one of the women I'm writing about, and invite you please to share your "rooted" story with me by emailing me at shillberry@comcast.net, or posting your comments on this blog.

See you tomorrow!