My husband was giving me grief the other day, threatening to create a "shadow blog" about the "real life" of Stephanie Hillberry. The life where I don't make my bed for days, and where I stay in my pajamas until noon, and where I serve queso and chips for dinner three days in a row.
I threatened to sue him for slander.
But his little joke did get me thinking about Valentines Day and romance and all the hype about being sexy.
Sexy like these ladies above and below in their slinky knickers.
Oh how I wish it was true that I really did live a life in delicate lingerie.
But this, my friends, is the life I really live about 95% of the time. I do not go to sleep and arise in satiny glamor. No...I go to bed in stretch cotton. And white athletic socks. And I wake up with disheveled hair ("disheveled" is putting it nicely) and a splotchy complexion.
Every now and then I try to modify my habits. I put on a pair of frilly shorts and try lacy panties for a few days. But eventually I always end up in the ubiquitous flesh-colored undergarments that women praise for their practicality and men lament for their serious lack of sex appeal.
(as an aside, my thesaurus actually lists "bootylicious" as THE "informal" definition of sexiness. What is the world coming to?)
But oh to be like the woman above. Even her hair is sultry. And her baby doll nightie isn't at all childish. Granted even she probably doesn't look like that when she gets up...but she certainly earns points for trying.
This, however, does not earn points. I mean, even if you could add a couple for the ruffled detail on my tank top (which is admittedly adorable), you'd have to immediately subtract them away for the excessive use of baggy gray flannel. Subtract even more for the threadbare quality of my very dated yoga pants and I'm well into the negative.
Poor, poor husband. If only I secretly wore these under my baggy gray flannel. I can only imagine the frills and the thrills.
After all, it's not like I don't own a few numbers like this, tucked away in my lingerie drawer, buried under piles of cotton panties and sports bras. I could, I suppose, pull them out for use on days that fall outside of February 14th.
It would probably even make me feel good. More ladylike. More demure and alluring. More captivating and feminine.
And less....so, so much less...like this.
Glossary of lovely knickers, courtesy of Etsy sellers:
1. french fancies in the parlour babydoll by gilda pearl
2. sassafras - altered vintage slip (xs) by which goose
3. floral cotton shorts by daileedose
4. same as #1
5. watercolor bralette set by clare bare
6. sandmaiden rayon and organic cotton jersey lacy pantie - made to measure by sandmaiden sleepwear