ReCentering

note: stay tuned for a brief message from our sponsor... (okay--it's really a message from me.  It just sounds more official put the other way...)  

Hello Friends--

I know I've been a bit off-topic this week--sort of jumbled and disorganized--so bear with me as I post yet again on a subject outside of my norm.  You see, it seems that every year around this time I find myself slightly overwhelmed and little disoriented--like I'm hanging in-limbo between two seasons.  One season--the holidays--has passed, and the other--spring--has yet to begin.  And I'm passing through the middle, slightly dazed.

In other words, what I could really use right about now is a chance to Recenter.  To remove all the clutter (mental and otherwise), reevaluate my priorities and goals, and...well..."freshen up" for spring.  Judging from my recent past, this process usually works itself out in a few weeks time with the aid of some spring cleaning, warmer weather, and my trusty journal.

So, beginning today I am going on a "ReCentering" cleanse.  Not the kind involving anything to do with my colon, thank you very much, but the kind involving all those things I mentioned above.  I'll still be posting daily, of course, but perhaps weaving this theme of refocusing for a new season into our discussions about being a lady.  

With that, I'm off to begin the Centering process.  I'll be back tomorrow with more information and (hopefully) a plan that you can join me on!  

Talk to you soon!
--steph

My Resolution

Speeding Tickets and Other Errors in Financial Judgment...

I had to pay a speeding ticket today. A very expensive speeding ticket. And it got me thinking about money.

Okay...so maybe I was already thinking about money. I was thinking about how debt is the other enemy of originality. And not just debt--sometimes spending in general can be the antagonist.

What I mean is that the most common obstacle standing in the way of living differently is money. How many of us would make different choices with our time if money were no object? Probably about 99% of us.

Money, of course, is an object. A very important one. And we can't just ignore it. But there are two errors in judgment I often see people make when it comes to their money--errors that prevent them from even having the option of making original choices.

The first error is an obvious one: outspending your income. Otherwise known as debt. Debt is not just terrible because it costs you A Lot of extra money over time via high interest rates. And causes stress. And damages relationships.

Debt is also terrible because it places harsh limits on your choices. Like forcing you to work in a job you hate--or for more hours than you'd like--because you need the income to pay bills.

Debt is bad. You get it, I know.

The other error is sneakier. Because it is not about overspending your income, which is fairly easy to diagnose. It is about overspending your goals. Maybe you have plenty of cash to pay your bills from month to month, which is good. But you are also spending a lot of money on things you don't necessarily need. This isn't bad per se, except when that money could open up doors instead.

What I mean is that if you have the goal of staying home someday with your kids--your kids who aren't even born yet because you're twenty three and just out of college--and you are spending your money today with no mind to that goal, you're overspending. It seems harsh to say, but it's true. If a goal is really important to you, but you don't factor it into your spending and saving plan NOW...chances are good that when the time comes to achieve that goal, you won't have the cash.

The bottom line is that living originally usually means making unconventional choices. And those choices often require financial strategy and planning. Because if you don't plan to be unique, your budget will make the decision for you--and it will almost always choose the status quo.

And finally, if you don't pay attention to street signs and happen to get snagged by the police while driving your bright yellow car at twice the speed limit...well then you've also made an error in financial judgment.

A big one.

Crap.

Shifting to Manual

Blah blah blah blah bla-blah blah blah.

If that is what you hear when I mention how busy we all are in this day and age, I don’t blame you. Truly it is one of the most over-done stories in culture today.


We’re busy. We get it. Next subject please.

And so I promise that I won’t linger on the obvious. What I will do is revisit the “auto pilot”--you know, that collection of expectations we tend to adopt because we don’t have time to invent alternatives.



What I’ve observed in my life is that when I’m busy, I gravitate toward the path of least resistance (aka auto pilot). Dinner? How about the drive-through. Gifts? How about the gift card kiosk at the supermarket. Clothing? Whatever looks cute at Target this week. Lifestyle? Whatever everyone else is doing. Sure, I’d like to give my friend a unique present for her new baby, but I don’t have the time. Yes, I’d love to make my husband a homecooked meal from that recipe I’ve been eyeing, but I get home too late. And definitely I would like to be working less and spending less and investing in more fulfilling activities, but I can’t slow down enough to figure out how to do that.


If this sounds familiar, you are certainly not alone!

The simple truth is that originality--the pursuit of living more intentionally and expressively--withers with schedule overload. When we consistently see our original ideas and intentions fall to wayside in favor of box-store merchandise and tv dinners, we know the gears are stuck on auto-pilot. And the first step to shifting into manual is to slow down.

And to spend less, but we’ll get to that tomorrow!

Until then, take a breather and have a happy Wednesday!

Glossary of images, all from independent sellers on Etsy.com!
vintage leather bomber jacket by sew kewl
vintage ray ban amber aviator glasses by the queen of re
airplane girl vinyl wall decal by graphic spaces
aviators noir steampunk ooak necklace by mystic pieces

Walking my Talk

Some of you perhaps have noticed that I’m posting later today than I normally do. I didn’t plan for this alternate schedule. You see, this morning I had one of those “I need to walk the talk” moments when I was writing today’s entry. The subject: busyness. The lesson: taking time to slow down and listen. The audience: me.

I hadn’t even finished writing the sentence: “busyness is the enemy of originality,” when it occurred to me that I had been cramming my schedule for weeks. So much so that when I tried to take a breather this weekend, I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t turn my mind off. I couldn’t leave my to-do list alone.

Now part of my avid busyness is good--I’ve been very inspired lately, and have felt energized to work and create. The evidence of my energy is plain to see in the new patterns I’ve listed in my stores, the knitting projects I’ve finished, the pies I’ve baked.... These things have all been good. But...creating has to be balanced with rest.

So, to take a dose of my own medicine, I unexpectedly took the morning off. I jumped in my car and left the house with my journal, my pen, and no plan. I ended up in an empty parking lot facing the warm sun drinking a fountain soda and taking in the quiet.

For two hours.


No, I didn’t have any great epiphanies or insights. But I did feel myself gradually slow down and gain some perspective. Perspective that reminded me that work and social obligations aren’t always the most important thing, and that sometimes we need to take a step back. Even if it is just for a morning.

I have a bit more to say about the subject of busyness, as well as my thoughts on originality’s other enemy: debt. But more on that later this week.

For now I’m going to soak up a bit more sun and practice what I preach!

See you tomorrow!

A Poem...

try it, try it
the nice lady said
of the sushi and oysters
I sniffed at in dread

so slimy, so soft
are foods that are raw
I pushed them away
with a hearty guffaw

how about liver?
she asked with a smile
as I stared at the plate
of dark meat in a pile

politely I asked
for something instead
so she offered bread pudding
on a syrupy bed

she offered me kale
as a cool veggie side
and a glass of soy milk
that I warily eyed

where are the burgers
where are the fries?
where are the sodas
and fresh apple pies?

eating new things
is all fine and well
except when you’re faced
with foods you’d expel

I packed up my things
and stood to my feet
when finally she offered
some pink pickled beets

I am running late
I spoke, slight annoyed
and drove straight away
to foods I enjoyed

the end

Learning French, and why I want to be a Liberal Arts person

I want to learn French. No, I don’t know anyone who speaks French. And I’m not planning any trips to France any time soon. And I’m not really interested in learning how to cook French food.

I just like the way it sounds.



It is not, admittedly, the most practical reason to learn another language. But learning something new isn’t always about practicality. For instance, I got a college degree in liberal arts. That’s right--one of the most impractical degrees offered. And yet I highly esteem liberal arts, and do not regret for a minute studying it. In fact, I want to be a “liberal arts” person when I grow up.

Oh wait...I’m already grown up. I guess that means I want to be a liberal arts person now.



Which is why I want to learn French. And why I want to challenge myself this year to broaden my intellectual horizons and explore new subjects. Like science, for instance. Or music. Or art.

Because my “intellectual mold” generally involves two things: the economy and design. Which is all fine and well, but we are focusing on breaking out of the mold this week. Breaking out, therefore, means that I need to dip my toes into some other areas. I need to become more well-rounded in that gray matter that sits on my shoulders.



So I might pick up that book on exploratory physics that my husband loves to read and try to work my way through it. And I might have to visit the modern art museum in my town and contemplate the meaning of abstract shapes. And I certainly should dust off the French level 1 Rosetta Stone program I got last year for my birthday and start practicing my pronunciation again! Because learning new things is something I never want to quit doing.



What new thing would you like to learn this next year? Share by posting your comment below!

Until tomorrow, Au Revoir!

Trying Something New...

There is this teenage girl in our neighborhood who rides skateboards. She has long blond hair that blows in the wind behind her as she rides down my street wearing shorts and sneakers.

I want to be her.

I don't want her hair or her youth (who would want to be a teenager again! Ugh!), but I do want to glide ever so smoothly, weaving back and forth down the streets of my neighborhood.

And so I've decided that one of the things I want to try this year is skateboarding. I want to be a skater chick. Minus the grunge, of course. You know my style--I can't pull off grunge.

In my opinion, the best part about trying something new is that it pushes me out of my comfort zone in a relatively harmless way. Because let's face it--we get pushed out of our comfort zones a lot for all sorts of things that are usually unpleasant. Like an unexpected layoff. Or a new baby. Or a sudden illness.


My theory is that trying new things on purpose--like skateboarding and knitting and learning the butterfly stroke (I still can't get my legs and arms to work together!)--gives us practice handling the unexpected, and overcoming steep learning curves. When I'm whizzing down the street on a skateboard with my husband running after me yelling "Bail! Bail!," I'm building character.

And wearing a helmet.


To put it simply, trying new things keeps us from getting too comfortable doing the same-old, same-old. We learn flexibility, which is a crucial skill for living life.

And of course we might pick up a few new hobbies in the process. And some scraped knees.

What would you like to try this year? Share your comment below!

Glossary of skateboard items, all from handmade sellers on Etsy.com:
1. early fall skateboard deck by amy ruppel
2. skateboarder 1 by stephen edward graphic
3. skate notecard set by little korboose
4. crawl walk skateboard onesie by kool kidz
5. recycled skateboard bangle by all deck'd out

Breaking out of the Mold, and how I discovered I like sauerkraut

I didn’t plan to break out of the mold on that hot summer day three years ago. We had just finished grilling some brats, and had cracked open a few beers, when suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps sauerkraut would be a tasty addition to our meal (have I mentioned that I have a little German blood in me?).



Now it is important to understand that prior to this summer day I used to cringe at the sight of sauerkraut. Pickled cabbage? Come on--who would want to eat such a thing? Pickling is for one thing and one thing only: pickles. Nothing else good could come from soaking things in vinegar and spice until they ferment. Right?

Such were my thoughts until I piled a little onto my bratwurst and took a bite. It was like the gates of heaven opened and the birds began to sing. Okay--maybe it wasn’t quite like that...I might be exaggerating. But it was good, and I’ve been a sauerkraut devotee ever since.



Why am I telling you a story about fermented cabbage, you ask? Because it illustrates--albeit rather superficially--the theme for this week. You see, Being an Original, at least for me, has a lot to do with breaking the mold. And I’m not talking about society’s molds or our culture’s molds or the molds those scary Spanx undergarments make. I’m talking about the molds we create for ourselves. Otherwise known as the limitations we adopt, usually because we’re ignorant, self conscious, and/or too comfy for change.

For instance, in the case of the sauerkraut aversion, I was a) ignorant of the wonderful flavor of pickled cabbage, and b) too comfy with my usual brat fix'ns (that’s a little Texas slang for y’all) to try something new. That mold needed to be broken. Oh yes, it needed it.



Pickled cabbage aside, we are going to spend the week talking about the virtue of trying new things and learning new things. And perhaps eating new things too. I’m looking forward to it!

And I promise pickled cabbage won't come up again.

Hope you have a good Monday!

Day 21: Upgrading the Ordinary

This weekend I was thrilled to inherit a set of beautiful china from my husband's family.

Naturally I had to come home and use it immediately. Particularly the teacups, which are the most delightful cups to drink beverages out of In The Whole World.

And while I was drinking my tea and eating my blueberry scone for Sunday brunch, I was thinking about how Mrs. Marple recently taught us that part of Fine Living is to turn ordinary situations into opportunities for small celebrations.

Celebrating what? we asked.

Celebrating life, she said.

And I had to agree that there was something special about my regular Sunday brunch when I was drinking my usual tea out of fine china.

The occasion certainly didn't call for fine china. I didn't have guests over. It wasn't a holiday. My birthday isn't until February.


But Mrs. Marple encouraged us to splurge on the simple even if the occasion didn't call for it. Otherwise, she reminded us, we might never use that fine china. Or that beautiful beaded necklace we're saving for a fancy event. Or that bottle of champagne we have stored away for an impromptu promotion or announcement.

Fine living, she said, is not just for special occasions. In fact, it is the most enjoyable when applied to the mundane, day-to-day routines that fill up the majority of our lives. Try it, she coached. Wear your fancy necklace to work. Drink your champagne with a tv dinner while watching Office reruns.

And have Sunday brunch with your fine china.

Celebrate the ordinary by giving it an upgrade. It's good advice, in my opinion. That Mrs. Marple sure is smart...

Previous Days at the Institute:
Day 9: Pink, pink & pink
Day 10: The Balancing Act (as told through vintage advertisements)
Day 18: Motivational Malaise

Day 2: the Secret to Fine Living (and other things I already know but are good to remember anyway)

"The secret to fine living," Mrs. Marple said in today’s class, "is to know who you are. Not just what job you do, or whether you are single or married, or how you look.

"And who you are," she continued, "is a creative female with the ability to make your life into something special."

Even though I already knew this, it was nice to be reminded of it once again. After working for years in a job I didn't enjoy, I found myself using this very piece of encouragement and advice to make a dramatic change. I quit my job and subsequently discovered a whole world of possibility right inside my front door. It was a good decision, and I knew that Mrs. Marple’s advice was true.
She then went on to explain that each of us has the opportunity to develop four major areas in our lives: our industry (how we share our talents with the world), our character, our home, and our outreach (how we help others). “I will,” she explained, “give you assignments during the next 28 days specifically designed to help you develop these areas.”

And she passed out a survey for us to take home and complete before class tomorrow. I've included one for you in case you forgot. Apparently Mrs. Marple doesn't believe that dogs (or husbands, kids, haunted vacuums, and/or devious roommates) will eat your homework.

Speaking of homework...I hope it will not be too much, because frankly I already have a lot on my plate. But I’m guessing that even if I don’t get to all of it right away, I can always come back to it later, when I have more time.

Just don’t tell Mrs. Marple.

**Download Mrs. Marple's 4 Pillar Survey!**

Previous Days @ the Institute:
Day 1: Acceptance
Mrs. Marple's Institute webpage

Overcoming Objections

I was watching "The Happening" last week, when a selection in the movie reminded me of life "off the grid."  It's the part where the main characters find themselves seeking refuge with a nutty older woman who lives completely isolated from the rest of the world.  With no electricity or radio or television, she truly was "off the grid."

The surprise of her guests regarding her lifestyle choices got me thinking that going off the grid isn't without its objections.  Sometimes people just don't understand (granted, the old bitty was also Completely Insane! but that's beside the point.).

Here are the top three objections, ideological and otherwise, that I've encountered this past year, and my rebuttals to them:

#1:  I'm wasting my education.  Stay-at-home moms probably run-up against this objection all the time.  After all, the idea of spending a small fortune on a college education only to end up staying home seems like a waste to the modern world.  Why bother? they ask.  Well, for starters, I believe that education is never wasted, regardless of what "career" you find yourself in.  Two, I use my education all the time.  When I'm writing, when I'm thinking about the world, when I'm strategizing for my business, and more.  The idea that a college education is only good for the 9-5 seems plain silly to me.

#2:  I'm unwisely making myself vulnerable by depending on someone else's income (my husband's, in my case).  I will talk a lot more about the "money issue" next week, but briefly--dependency isn't always a kiss of death.  Neither is one full-time income (as opposed to two).  More on this to come...

#3:  To willingly walk away from the opportunity to build a traditional career is to take a step back.  And stepping back diminishes the hard work and progress gained by women over the last several decades.  To be sure, I don't want to be ungrateful for the ladies who have paved the way for women to leave the kitchen and enter the workforce.  But I do want to make clear to myself that stepping out of the workforce and into a more entrepreneurial and domestic life is not a step back.  Many of the issues that we are facing today can be mitigated in part by a brand of leadership that flourishes outside of the 9-5.  Leadership that advances--not restrains--women.

There are other obstacles I've had to work through, and am still working through, in addition to these.  Like how to build a successful career on my own from scratch, how to navigate changing roles in my marriage (believe me, there have been lots of squabbles this past year), how to overcome isolation, how to stay disciplined, etc. etc.  But tackling the top three--mainly to convince myself--has proven to be the consistent challenge.

What are your objections to going off the grid?  Or what objections have you overcome?  Share your thoughts with me by commenting here or emailing me at shillberry@comcast.net.

Previous Deviancy 101 posts:

Defining Deviancy

Exactly What I've Been Looking For!

Going Off the Grid

Stick around later today for another Smarty Pants post (because as fun as it is, I have to know more than the People Magazine headlines...).

Marketplace Mavens: Holly Becker of Decor8

note: Marketplace Mavens are inspiring female entrepreneurs who are setting an example through their lives and livelihoods that I want to follow.

I know that I'm a little late to the game, but this past week I stumbled into Decor8 (a popular design blog) for the first time and immediately knew that I wanted to highlight founder and editor, Holly Becker, as this week's Marketplace Maven.

Holly's blog (which was just featured in my shiny new copy of Domino magazine--one my many subscriptions), focuses on interior design and decorating and draws a whopping 20,000 readers daily!  Take it from a fellow blogger--that kind of attention take a LOT of Hard Work to get!

Apart from her obvious business savvy and very apparent super-style-skills (see the picture at right of her apartment in Germany), it is Holly's lifestyle that I think exemplifies her Maven-ness.  You see, Holly has really utilized her market success to live the kind of lifestyle that she and her husband value.  In their case, it's an international lifestyle of living in two countries during the year (Germany and the US).  Here's more on why she is a role model:

*  Holly worked very hard to get her blogging career off the ground, often enduring criticism and rejection from the design industry in the process.  (Click here to read more about that process, written by Holly.)  But obviously her perseverance paid off as her blog took off.

*  Like a lot of mavens, Holly had always dreamed of an unconventional lifestyle, which for her specifically meant living in Europe.  Her successful career as a blogger gave her the flexibility to accomplish that dream, but not without some careful planning first...

*  So, adding to her smart business sense, Holly also practiced some very impressive financial sense, saving her money and being mindful of her resources as she prepared to relocate part-time to Germany.  (Read her thoughts on this process by clicking here.)

In other words, Holly is an excellent example of a 

Marketplace Maven because her lifestyle and her business work in synch, both testifying to creative and thoughtful living.  How many of us dream of having our work and our living meld seamlessly together to reflect our values and be a catalyst for our aspirations?  Well, Holly is living evidence that it can be done!

To see more of Holly's design boards (like the one above), please take some time to visit Decor8 this week by clicking here.

Want to read more about Marketplace Mavens?  See the links below:

Introduction to Marketplace Mavens

Hannah Breshears of Red Tandem Studio

Heather Davis of Pink and White Design

Amanda Soule of SouleMama

Stay tuned for more Deviancy 101 posts, coming tomorrow!  

  

Going Off the Grid

I'm approaching my ten-month anniversary of "going off the grid" at the end of this week-- meaning that I wrapped up my final days in my 9-5 corporate career in finance just before Christmas last year and have been blazing a new trail ever since.

That being said, I've obviously have a lot of time to ponder what life is like "off the grid"--both good and bad--and want to spend the next week talking out-loud about it if that's okay.  

So, for starters, I see "going off the grid" as intentionally unplugging from the standard "power source" prescribed for young women in my generation.  In my experience, this unplugging happened in three areas:

1.  rethinking the 9-5.  I was faithfully clocking in my hours in a respectable career that I had worked really hard to break into, but I was unhappy.  I saw lots of other women doing well in my company, and they seemed energized and motivated to move forward.  Meanwhile, I was desperately trying to squeeze creative activities into my sparse leisure time and daydreaming about a different life.  I wasn't exactly sure what that life looked like, much less how to get there, but I knew that I needed to find a "career" that fell outside of the traditional "career" path.  So I took the plunge, handed in my resignation, and have been living "off the grid" ever since.

2.  reviving the domestic arts.  With more time on my hands, I started to think more seriously about my role as an economist--a home economist, that is.  And not in the high-school let's-sew-a-pair-of-pajama-pants home-economist, but a genuine economic leader.  This was, of course, a real deviation from the norm.  Young women my age with my education, experiences and connections aren't supposed to seek out an apron!  I was stepping off the grid again.

3.  unplugging from the Clever Consumer Cycle.  I'd been questioning the value of the rat-race for years--the work to get paid to buy stuff as cheaply as possible leading you to want to buy more stuff and then work some more.  Leaving the 9-5 and picking up some domestic arts only strengthened my questioning.  Was this really what life was about?  I mean, what did my spending say about my values?  How mindful was I being with my resources?  What about my debt?  And so on and so on.  Going off the grid has seriously dampened this persistent cycle, and for the better in my opinion.

So, in a nutshell, going off the grid for me meant that I had to rethink career, home and consumption.  And I'm still in the process of...well, processing it all.  

What do you think?  Do you think I'm a fool for quitting the 9-5?  A feminist traitor for pursuing domesticity?  An idealist for questioning modern consumerism?  Or have you, too, stepped off the grid and can relate to my story?  Share by commenting here or emailing me at shillberry@comcast.net

Stay tuned tomorrow when I talk about some of those sticky ideological constraints to living off the grid, and later today when I introduce another Marketplace Maven (Yay!).

Previous Deviancy 101 posts:

Defining Deviancy

Am I Deviantly Disappointing?

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Exactly What I've Been Searching For!

That's perfect!  Just what I've been looking for!

Brought to you by Deviancy 101.  Tune in next week to learn more!

Previous Deviant Posts:

Am I Deviantly Disappointing?

Defining Deviancy...

Don't go far--catch my last Election Exercise, posting later today.  And don't miss tomorrow's Saturday Sussie (treasures and trinkets for fun!)!

Defining Deviancy...

When I hear the word deviant today, I usually get an instant picture in my mind.  I see a young teenager, outcast as a result of either her persistent rebellion or extreme social awkwardness.  Or I imagine someone whose (ahem) "bedroom practices" are (ahem again) "unconventional."  It might seem strange, then, that I would choose deviant, of all adjectives, to promote a specific type of living.  Let me explain...

According to Webster's dictionary, a deviant is "someone who departs from the usual or accepted standards in society."  It comes from the Latin word meaning "turning out of the way."  And that is precisely what I feel I've done over this past year.

For instance, I "turned out of the way" when I quit my promising career in corporate America to start writing about domestic affairs.  I "departed from the usual standard" when I forfeit a steady income in order to stay home--without children, nonetheless!  And within the context of these choices are a whole bundle of other unorthodox decisions that deviate from the norm, which I will talk about in more detail in the weeks to come.

I certainly never intended to become a deviant.  In fact, the majority of my life prior to these most recent events have been precisely the opposite--I've lived well within the "usual and acceptable standards."  But, perhaps like many others who stray off the beaten path, I'm starting to like my new status.  Even better, I'm seeing how sometimes the solutions we've been searching for are found in unlikely places.  

We just need to deviate a little to find them.

Join me next week as I talk about "going off the the grid"--it's part of Deviancy 101.  And please send me your stories of deviancy (not the bedroom type!  I don't want to know!) by emailing me at shillberry@comcast.net.