Friday, April 17, 2009
Now that I’m trying to become one of America’s Cheapest Families by reading the tips from America’s Cheapest Family, I thought it was high time I dipped my toes into the world of coupons.
I thought it best to describe my experience in a soliloquy:
Coupons. Oh coupons. You are a harbinger of bygone days.
If only I could clip your glossy pages,
and find your treasures therein.
I could be the vessel of your bounty,
recipient of stacked coins and bills,
flowing gifts from your hand.
Alas, upon seeking you out in the ink-filled notes of yesterday’s paper,
you alluded me.
When I wanted beef, milk and cheese,
you sent me Best Buy electronics.
You know I hate Best Buy.
And when I wanted help with
toilet paper, coffee and fruit,
you lead me to Buy-6-Get-1-Free hair care products.
What kind of hair do you think I have?
I only need one hair care product, and I have plenty,
thank you very much.
And when I was seeking a few treats,
like perhaps a linen sale or a pretty new shoe,
did you come to my aid?
Instead you offered discounted prices for batteries
and extension cords.
Can I wear a battery? I ask.
Can I decorate with cords?
Oh Cruel coupons! Can we ever be friends?
Perhaps tomorrow’s news will tell...